Well i have two exams left, and i'm feeling ok about them. Not so sure about extension, but i still have time at least.
Last night was fun, ppl came over and watched movies, and i unfortunaty had a bit much to drink, and was in fits of giggles for a large part of the night. However a good night indeed.
Current;y i am considering going for a bath, and chilling out while my head is still in the process of recovering... :P
in anycase, not much else is new, apart from planning my 18th! :D It's so exciting!!! :P
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Monday, October 23, 2006
Exams... 4 to go!
OK, almost have english out of the way, only the extension exam to go, and thank god i have four days beforehand free in which to prepare. Wednesday is Ancient History, Friday is Business Services, then the following Friday is Extension followed by Textiles on the Monday.
Today was English paper two, a bitch of a paper, and i only realise now what the last question meant after it was pointed out by a Standard English student... i feel rather small...
In other news, i have just attended a Storm Financial Information evening, a very interesting night, and a very interesting perspective on how to make money work. Mainly about investing money in shares, and about doing it safely so that even if everything crashes, you have a way out that pays off any money you borrow investing. So basically you borrow to invest, but the investment pays itself off in the long run... Mum and dad are setting up an account for my birthday for me, but keeping it in trust until i'm 28 or something, which will be very beneficial further down the track.
In anycase, sleep beckons, and i bid you adieu!
xoxox
Today was English paper two, a bitch of a paper, and i only realise now what the last question meant after it was pointed out by a Standard English student... i feel rather small...
In other news, i have just attended a Storm Financial Information evening, a very interesting night, and a very interesting perspective on how to make money work. Mainly about investing money in shares, and about doing it safely so that even if everything crashes, you have a way out that pays off any money you borrow investing. So basically you borrow to invest, but the investment pays itself off in the long run... Mum and dad are setting up an account for my birthday for me, but keeping it in trust until i'm 28 or something, which will be very beneficial further down the track.
In anycase, sleep beckons, and i bid you adieu!
xoxox
Friday, October 20, 2006
Sometimes...
Sometimes i just feel like crying. i don't know why, i just do. and nothing helps until i cry.
I want to feel loved, desperately.
I don't want to feel alone, even when surrounded by people.
I want to escape from my life, and get away. I want to go somewhere away from everyone.
I hate myself for being selfish.
I hate myself for hating myself...
I want to feel loved, desperately.
I don't want to feel alone, even when surrounded by people.
I want to escape from my life, and get away. I want to go somewhere away from everyone.
I hate myself for being selfish.
I hate myself for hating myself...
Monday, October 16, 2006
minor update
Well the move was successful... mostly, besides the fact it was moving and all... My bedroom has been converted temporarily to a box room, and i am residing at dads until after the exams. which is good, just i'm apprehensive over it. Nothing more has been said about rehabilitation or detox programs, i'm not one to ask either, although i should.
I'm glad no one really reads this anymore, its gives something of a freedom to what i say and put down here. . .
I miss Samara and Meliessa terribly.
I miss having close friends, well close friends who are my friends anyway...
I want to move out.
I want to go away somewhere for a couple of days, and just dissapear for a little bit...
so if you ever can't find me, thats probably what i've done.
I'm glad no one really reads this anymore, its gives something of a freedom to what i say and put down here. . .
I miss Samara and Meliessa terribly.
I miss having close friends, well close friends who are my friends anyway...
I want to move out.
I want to go away somewhere for a couple of days, and just dissapear for a little bit...
so if you ever can't find me, thats probably what i've done.
Monday, October 09, 2006
Late night reflections on me...
Why do I have to be fixated on the idea that this is it? Why can I not be realistic about this and see it as a ‘high school fling’ and be done with it?
I don’t want to view it as that, that is why. I don’t want to be my mother, and go through a series of relationships with little emotion, only to serve an end purpose. I don’t want to be left alone with second best at the end of the day. I want to feel loved, happy, and content with my life in the way that I feel my mother and father are not.
I want my life to work basically, and if I don’t feel like I’m making progress towards that now, I think that that is when I question what I’m doing, and when my views clash with those of others.
I’m desperate to write, but I have neither the time nor the inspiration. It’s eating away inside me this need, and I can’t help but feel I am neglecting myself. I want to write, and I need to study, but I don’t feel I have a comfortable place to do either in. Not where I feel it’s appropriate anyway. I have a little over a week to go, and I haven barely scratched the surface of what I need to know. I hate myself for it, and I hate myself for hating myself.
I don’t want to view it as that, that is why. I don’t want to be my mother, and go through a series of relationships with little emotion, only to serve an end purpose. I don’t want to be left alone with second best at the end of the day. I want to feel loved, happy, and content with my life in the way that I feel my mother and father are not.
I want my life to work basically, and if I don’t feel like I’m making progress towards that now, I think that that is when I question what I’m doing, and when my views clash with those of others.
I’m desperate to write, but I have neither the time nor the inspiration. It’s eating away inside me this need, and I can’t help but feel I am neglecting myself. I want to write, and I need to study, but I don’t feel I have a comfortable place to do either in. Not where I feel it’s appropriate anyway. I have a little over a week to go, and I haven barely scratched the surface of what I need to know. I hate myself for it, and I hate myself for hating myself.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Living on the road...
Well i haven't blogged since the holidays began, or the 'study break' as it is supposed to be known. I'm getting worried about the exams, because i haven't been studying as i should be. next week hopefull might be a bit more settled after the move though, and we have the stuvac week after that as well which will be good. So there is still hope.
Christian Lawrence McLennan is doing fine, and is goingto be another beautiful McLennan boy like his brothers. Although its going to be interesting to see how he turns out seeing as Nick and Mitch are so different...
Juanita is due to have her christining in December, and its looking like its going to be an interesting Christmas. Dad is not likely to be invited to the Goldie Christmas party, neither is Ken and Megan.
Its annoying how things are going, but theres not a lot that can be done... no one can be bothered trying anymore. Especialy with dad...
In my life, well things are ok, i'm still getting upset over dad and the whole concept of moing. I went with mum to see the house the other day, its nice, but smaller than was imagined. Its going to be tough, and i don't know how things will go. Theres enough rooms to have an office, and so in there is going gregs comp, mums comp and a bed for bradley... and there isn't enough room in my room to have a desk, so i don't know how its going to go with the work/study situatiuon if i have to work in the same room as greg. Considering that he won't be in there all the time, it should be ok, but all the same its potentially explosive.
He was really annoying when we looked at the house though, he seems to have some funny idea that we all should have a television in the bedrooms, or that we all want one... its so hard not to snap at him. Its not that he's being rude or anything, i just don't like him talking to me or anything, its hard to try and get along when you don't want to know the person.
So now i am still living on the road, mostly at chatswood, but also at, frenchs forest and forestville, when dad is not off the planet.
so thats me for now...
adieu xo
Christian Lawrence McLennan is doing fine, and is goingto be another beautiful McLennan boy like his brothers. Although its going to be interesting to see how he turns out seeing as Nick and Mitch are so different...
Juanita is due to have her christining in December, and its looking like its going to be an interesting Christmas. Dad is not likely to be invited to the Goldie Christmas party, neither is Ken and Megan.
Its annoying how things are going, but theres not a lot that can be done... no one can be bothered trying anymore. Especialy with dad...
In my life, well things are ok, i'm still getting upset over dad and the whole concept of moing. I went with mum to see the house the other day, its nice, but smaller than was imagined. Its going to be tough, and i don't know how things will go. Theres enough rooms to have an office, and so in there is going gregs comp, mums comp and a bed for bradley... and there isn't enough room in my room to have a desk, so i don't know how its going to go with the work/study situatiuon if i have to work in the same room as greg. Considering that he won't be in there all the time, it should be ok, but all the same its potentially explosive.
He was really annoying when we looked at the house though, he seems to have some funny idea that we all should have a television in the bedrooms, or that we all want one... its so hard not to snap at him. Its not that he's being rude or anything, i just don't like him talking to me or anything, its hard to try and get along when you don't want to know the person.
So now i am still living on the road, mostly at chatswood, but also at, frenchs forest and forestville, when dad is not off the planet.
so thats me for now...
adieu xo
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Change
Well it seems its all over. High school is finished, and once exams are over for me on the 6th of November, i won't ever need to go back, except for graduation/formal. It hasn't sunk in yet, just how much of a massive change this will be in my life. since i can remember school has been my life. Now its not going to be anymore, and to make such a dramatic transition would normally warrant some kind of emotional upheaval. Not yet.
Changing times, and changing perceptions. Its all about growing and maturing. I hate it when english is right, but it is, life and everything we do is about journeys and change. Nothing will ever change that, as much as we may pray. As the click-and-go generation we are ever more reliant on information and technology. We have less time to investigate, and more time to consume... its a scary world we are entering.
Time to discuss and evaluate our position in society...
Changing times, and changing perceptions. Its all about growing and maturing. I hate it when english is right, but it is, life and everything we do is about journeys and change. Nothing will ever change that, as much as we may pray. As the click-and-go generation we are ever more reliant on information and technology. We have less time to investigate, and more time to consume... its a scary world we are entering.
Time to discuss and evaluate our position in society...
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