Wednesday, November 08, 2006

An Excerpt from "Rose and Ophelia"

People are entering the streets as I unlock the front door to the shop. A jogger passes by and Rose, sitting by me feet, sniffs in his direction. I step into the shop, followed by Rose, who lightly pats her way around the shelves until she reaches her corner. She sits on her cushion and watches me as I move about the shop checking the shelves, and turning the sign on the door to ‘Open.’ I pour out a dish of water for Rose; she sniffs at it tentatively before lapping quietly. The morning passes slowly, Sally is out of town for the week, and so I’m on my own. The clock ticks over to 11:03 and Greg walks in the door. Rose lifts her head in recognition as he passes. Greg’s a regular patron and visits the shop about once a week during his lunch-break. He walks to the counter “Hi Ophelia, how are we today?” he asks casually, I reply “Slow, but it’s to be expected. Are you looking for a book?” he laughs softly and nods, “I am actually, for my son. He still doesn’t want to read much, that book on cars didn’t keep his interest long.” I nod to him I’m familiar with the story. Stepping from behind the counter, I lead Greg through the shop; I say, “For a boy to not enjoy cars and bikes, he must be special”. Standing in the fiction section of the shop, I scan the titles. “He’ll probably be interested in something very different to other boys his age, so let’s try something new.” Selecting a medium sized novel, I hand it to Greg. “It’s a fantasy/mystery; it might be more appealing to him than motors.” I watch as Greg slowly reads the blurb on the back. “Weren’t you going to bring in some of your own stories to try on him?” He smiles and I consider letting him, “Not just yet”, I respond”, Try him on this first, and we’ll see how we go.” I smile politely and walk back to the counter. Greg stays a moment before following. He pays for the book, and declining a bag, he walks out the door. I’m not sure Greg, or his son is ready for my style of writing, which is why I don’t let either of them read it. I’ll let them when they’re ready. Until then I bide my time.

The remainder of the day passes uneventfully, the clock on the wall reaches eight minutes to five; I begin to shut things down. Rose sits up and arches her back yawning, “Alright for some of us” I say to her, she sits and looks back at me, licks her nose and pads her way to sit by my satchel. I walk around the shelves one final time, tidying the shelves. Then I hear the front door open, I walk to the end of the shelves, and say, “Can I help you with anything?” A young girl greets me, she appears to be about my age, possibly younger, her hair is long, and her clothes are all black. Despite her clothes, she doesn’t appear to be gothic but there is something different about this girl, she smiles and me, and quietly she asks, “Umm, is it all right for me to have a quick look around?” I glance up at the clock, five to five, “Sure,” I reply, “Are you looking for anything in particular?” the young girl shakes her head, I nod and smile, and walk back to the counter. I watch her move to the non-fiction side of the shop and peruse the titles. She reaches out to pick one up, but stops mid flight. A young man enters the store, and nodding to me, walks over to her. The girl has let her hand drop, and she turns to face this lad. I recognize him as a local waiter; He speaks softly to the girl, she nods her head, and the young lad walks out the door.

Then it hits me, it’s her eyes that are different, dark brown in color, her eyelashes are thick, and her brows are perfectly shaped. None of this is particularly unusual, but it’s the deep, dark sadness lurking in those deep brown eyes that strikes you. Even as she smiles, the sadness doesn’t disappear. The young girl walks to the counter, and I ask softly, “Can I help you?” The girl looks down at her hands and says, “Umm, yes, that was Darien, and he want to know; Are you Ophelia?” I nod silently, wondering why he wants to know such a thing. The girl looks up at me and says, “Ok, and umm, he asked if you would let him read some of your stories sometime?” A little surprised, I respond, “I don’t know if he’s ready for my stories yet, but how does he know I write?” The young girl appears uncomfortable with the question, and I wonder if she will answer it. Finally, she breathes in and says, “I don’t know how he knows, but I know that he wants to ask you for help eventually. I’m not sure what he wants you to do, but it’s for the Prince of the Night, my grandfather. Apparently your parents were involved with the vampires and the crows, and Darien wants your help to find Lexus.” The girl meets my eyes, and I can barely utter a word, “Who? How? What?” I say as I meet her sad eyes with my confused thoughts, “I don’t know what you’re on about, vampires, princes, it means nothing to me.” The young girl sighs and looks at her hands again. Placing them folded on the counter, she mutters something under her breath, slowly she opens her hands and where they had laid, a beautiful blossom now rested. I’m glad for the seat under me; I can barely believe the feat I had just witnessed. Quietly the girl utters something else, and the blossom begins to grow, slowly at first, its blood red petals rising through the air, below it extends a luminous green stem. Leaves begin to sprout and the whole flower floats before my eyes. Gently, the young girl’s hands clasp the flower stem, and her head lifts. Her eyes meet mine, and she lays the flower down on the counter. In a voice soft, yet clear she says, “You’re the Daughter of the Night, you may not realize it, but after a few days, you shall. Tonight take the flower home, by tomorrow morning you shall understand better.” After saying these enigmatic words, the young girl walked out of the shop and onto the street. I watch her walk down the street, and I suddenly have the urge to follow her. I run out the door, but I can see no sign of the girl or Darien. Sighing heavily, I return inside, pick up my satchel, turn out the lights and slowly walk out the door.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Heres hoping...

well only one exam left, and i'm praying i haven't completely blown it...

Saturday, October 28, 2006

2 to go....

Well i have two exams left, and i'm feeling ok about them. Not so sure about extension, but i still have time at least.

Last night was fun, ppl came over and watched movies, and i unfortunaty had a bit much to drink, and was in fits of giggles for a large part of the night. However a good night indeed.

Current;y i am considering going for a bath, and chilling out while my head is still in the process of recovering... :P

in anycase, not much else is new, apart from planning my 18th! :D It's so exciting!!! :P

Monday, October 23, 2006

Exams... 4 to go!

OK, almost have english out of the way, only the extension exam to go, and thank god i have four days beforehand free in which to prepare. Wednesday is Ancient History, Friday is Business Services, then the following Friday is Extension followed by Textiles on the Monday.

Today was English paper two, a bitch of a paper, and i only realise now what the last question meant after it was pointed out by a Standard English student... i feel rather small...

In other news, i have just attended a Storm Financial Information evening, a very interesting night, and a very interesting perspective on how to make money work. Mainly about investing money in shares, and about doing it safely so that even if everything crashes, you have a way out that pays off any money you borrow investing. So basically you borrow to invest, but the investment pays itself off in the long run... Mum and dad are setting up an account for my birthday for me, but keeping it in trust until i'm 28 or something, which will be very beneficial further down the track.

In anycase, sleep beckons, and i bid you adieu!
xoxox

Friday, October 20, 2006

Sometimes...

Sometimes i just feel like crying. i don't know why, i just do. and nothing helps until i cry.
I want to feel loved, desperately.
I don't want to feel alone, even when surrounded by people.
I want to escape from my life, and get away. I want to go somewhere away from everyone.
I hate myself for being selfish.
I hate myself for hating myself...

Monday, October 16, 2006

minor update

Well the move was successful... mostly, besides the fact it was moving and all... My bedroom has been converted temporarily to a box room, and i am residing at dads until after the exams. which is good, just i'm apprehensive over it. Nothing more has been said about rehabilitation or detox programs, i'm not one to ask either, although i should.

I'm glad no one really reads this anymore, its gives something of a freedom to what i say and put down here. . .

I miss Samara and Meliessa terribly.

I miss having close friends, well close friends who are my friends anyway...

I want to move out.

I want to go away somewhere for a couple of days, and just dissapear for a little bit...
so if you ever can't find me, thats probably what i've done.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Late night reflections on me...

Why do I have to be fixated on the idea that this is it? Why can I not be realistic about this and see it as a ‘high school fling’ and be done with it?

I don’t want to view it as that, that is why. I don’t want to be my mother, and go through a series of relationships with little emotion, only to serve an end purpose. I don’t want to be left alone with second best at the end of the day. I want to feel loved, happy, and content with my life in the way that I feel my mother and father are not.

I want my life to work basically, and if I don’t feel like I’m making progress towards that now, I think that that is when I question what I’m doing, and when my views clash with those of others.
I’m desperate to write, but I have neither the time nor the inspiration. It’s eating away inside me this need, and I can’t help but feel I am neglecting myself. I want to write, and I need to study, but I don’t feel I have a comfortable place to do either in. Not where I feel it’s appropriate anyway. I have a little over a week to go, and I haven barely scratched the surface of what I need to know. I hate myself for it, and I hate myself for hating myself.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Living on the road...

Well i haven't blogged since the holidays began, or the 'study break' as it is supposed to be known. I'm getting worried about the exams, because i haven't been studying as i should be. next week hopefull might be a bit more settled after the move though, and we have the stuvac week after that as well which will be good. So there is still hope.

Christian Lawrence McLennan is doing fine, and is goingto be another beautiful McLennan boy like his brothers. Although its going to be interesting to see how he turns out seeing as Nick and Mitch are so different...

Juanita is due to have her christining in December, and its looking like its going to be an interesting Christmas. Dad is not likely to be invited to the Goldie Christmas party, neither is Ken and Megan.
Its annoying how things are going, but theres not a lot that can be done... no one can be bothered trying anymore. Especialy with dad...

In my life, well things are ok, i'm still getting upset over dad and the whole concept of moing. I went with mum to see the house the other day, its nice, but smaller than was imagined. Its going to be tough, and i don't know how things will go. Theres enough rooms to have an office, and so in there is going gregs comp, mums comp and a bed for bradley... and there isn't enough room in my room to have a desk, so i don't know how its going to go with the work/study situatiuon if i have to work in the same room as greg. Considering that he won't be in there all the time, it should be ok, but all the same its potentially explosive.

He was really annoying when we looked at the house though, he seems to have some funny idea that we all should have a television in the bedrooms, or that we all want one... its so hard not to snap at him. Its not that he's being rude or anything, i just don't like him talking to me or anything, its hard to try and get along when you don't want to know the person.

So now i am still living on the road, mostly at chatswood, but also at, frenchs forest and forestville, when dad is not off the planet.

so thats me for now...

adieu xo

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Change

Well it seems its all over. High school is finished, and once exams are over for me on the 6th of November, i won't ever need to go back, except for graduation/formal. It hasn't sunk in yet, just how much of a massive change this will be in my life. since i can remember school has been my life. Now its not going to be anymore, and to make such a dramatic transition would normally warrant some kind of emotional upheaval. Not yet.

Changing times, and changing perceptions. Its all about growing and maturing. I hate it when english is right, but it is, life and everything we do is about journeys and change. Nothing will ever change that, as much as we may pray. As the click-and-go generation we are ever more reliant on information and technology. We have less time to investigate, and more time to consume... its a scary world we are entering.

Time to discuss and evaluate our position in society...

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

It's that time again...

Yes, it is that time again… Time to log my thoughts here on my blog… I wish things wouldn’t get so complicated and mixed up right when they shouldn’t.

I’m moving house on the 13th of October to a house in Normanhurst. My HSC exams start on the 20th of October. It’s going to be an interesting situation, and not one that I’m going to enjoy at first I don’t imagine. It’s a long drive from there to Frenchs Forest/Davidson/Belrose, and I’m thinking it shall be hard to stay in touch with people apart from the nearest and dearest.

However, on the flipside, I am fortunate that I’ve met someone from the area without even realising it at first, Joel, Renay’s boyfriend, lives on Pennant Hills Road, not far from where I’m moving. So that’s a positive at least.

In other news, Belinda had a baby boy the other day. 11.11 am on the 8th of September to be precise. Christain Lawrence McLennan is now the newest addition to the family.

That Makes me an auntie six times over :P Go Me!

Luv to you all.... xoxoxo