harken back to the beginning

Oh sometimes this miserable world can cause such anger and frustration. it is just not what i need at the moment :( so i harken back to the title of this blog, "I'm tired of being what you want me to be..." i think i should make that my quote, just cause i am tired of being what people expect me to be. I hate living up to my own expectations let alone everybody else's. its hard enough when i expect better than i can achieve of myself. well on the other hand, i guess thats what drives me on to do what i do, and do it as best i can.
BUT I HATE HIM!!!! I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM! its not fair! :( its not my fault that mum chooses some aussie drongo for her boyfriend, so why do i suffer from it!?!?! sigh i know i should talk to her, but i really don't know what i'm supposed to say.... sigh, one day i'll talk to her, i don't know when, but i'll try to talk to her soon. maybe.... :(

cold, rain, and death :)

i think that rain is one of the most beautiful things in the world... anyway, sitting here with a cold, thinking i should probably find a third text to finish my english assessment.... sigh, i'm too tired. oh well i shall endeavor to continue whilst my body struggles to keep up.
oh well life is getting me down at the moment, i really don't know why, just its frustrating me....i'm tired, and its not really helping my mental state. just everything aches, and just it doesn't feel like i'm doing anything worthwhile, and life is pointless, the only reason we're here is to grow up have kids, teach them then die.... so pointless :( oh well i'll see what happens

Fear is knowing the unknown...

well this first term has flown by, its uncanny how quickly it has gone. It makes me scared thinking, if this is how fast one term has gone, its going to be tomorrow, and i'll be out of school! i'm still so unsure about what i really want to do, however, i do at least know that at the moment i would like to work in fashion, sales of something else to do with design. At least knowing that, i have some idea of what i can do.
its unfortunate that our school years are so doomed to such a hasty end before we even begin them...
well anyways, i have homework to attend to. Advanced english assessment, society and culture assessment, then homework as well. Oh it shall be such fun!

well nothing much is really new, just breaking down and having a good cry on monday during english was good in a bad way i guess. got a lot of emotion out, just i did want ash to come with me, rather than steph, but it worked out in the end. anyway, hating greg is my new fav thing, along with being annoyed with mum, but that is something i'll just have to deal with later..... n o time now. ok laterz ppl!

hmmm, what to say....

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . well, akward silence over, lets get chatting! finally found out what ash wants for her bday, its really cool actually, she's asked for like a scrapbook, with pics of everyone and stuff so its going to be awsome to organise :D hmm, and we gave a cetain someone the nickname of nougat, and well its maily cause i had another dream about them the other night. very very odd experience.... :S oh well. Schools pretty much normal at the moment, senior school is pretty good, just it is a bit hectic, and a bit messed up at times, but all the same, it works, and i'm enjoying it :). Time flies, and i really should work on one of my assignments. so i shall leave, and reflect in my mind elsewhere, on what else should be included on this loverly webpage of me! :P