meh

*sigh* well lets see, guys suck, they're just making things difficult at the moment, parents r cool mostly, excluding a certain mothers boyfriend.... otherwise life is cruisy, and yeh, othere than the usual difficulties asscoiated with christmas, everything is pretty much ok atm! for once :P

Aquiring Me!

Well Formal was absolutly excellent! everyone looked absolutly gorgeous, minus a few individuals who i will not name :P and the night was amazing! *sigh* and everyone has to send me photos!
And Ash Nikki and i all had our photos taken with santa in Chatswood! it was so fun :)
Hmm, and aquiring things can be very interesting! did u know that! i did!
But anyway, moving on.....
School finishes in 2 weeks, then its on to year 11! SCARY!!!!!

FORMAL IS TOMORROW!!!! :D

OMG! Formals tomorrow! I just finished my dress, so at least i have something to wear! :D but its going to be a great night :) and i still can't believe that i was gullible enough to have the afters, but i guess it'll be ok, i mean its gonna be fun, just what mum does is gonna be a bit of a worry :P i dont want her embarrasing me, but still its all good i guess.

*sigh* i hate letting people down, especially people i care about, and who really matter to me :(
oh well, i cant feel down for too long, i need to be happy tomorrow for formal. I promised tim, that when he saw me i'd be happy, i'm not going to let him down.

One day.... i'll fly away!

well its amazing what a day can do! this morning i thought i would be fine, and that the day would go ok, and i'd come home in the afternoon, and nothing would have changed. NOT THE CASE! even though the day was fine, i came home, and alot had happened. well not alot, but substantial enough to make me get mega-pissed at ppl.
Well after getting a 6 page letter from mahogany, i found that scorpion had mentioned things, and had been made to show mahogany emails which i had sent him. I'm just really pissed off because i trusted him, and i sent him that email, only expecting him to read it, and no one else, least of all Mahogany!!!! Jeeze it sucked. But i've give up on both of them, i seriously can't be bothered anymore. Like why bother trying to be friends with someone when they mess you around, betray your trust, and leave you lying in the gutter like you mean nothing! Its not fair, so why do it!
*sigh* leaving it here, and hoping that i can be strong enough to go through eith all that i've promised myself.

4 Days and counting.....

Well, i have four days to finish my formal dress. I'm pretty sure i will, but its kinda freaky, seeing as i'll only have 2 textiles lessons between now and the formal. I just hope i can fix all the problems i've found. Seriously, two days is too long to spend with your own work. You can stand there, and literally pick it to bits, just seeing little things that are wrong, or just slightly crooked. Hence why i'm writing this blog, just to get my mind off it for the moment. Also to burn time until 2:30 whne rock eisteddofd nationals are on. Channel 7, need to see who got the wild card entries. Hopefully Davo did. Really really hope Davo did... *DAVO . . . DAVO . . . DAVO*

and all was well

well the last few days have been absolute shiut. BUt nothing that an envigorating ballet class can't fix... unfortunatly cut shorter than the normal length but still goood :)
Mums going to NZ tomorrow, for her reunion, i would have liked to go with her, just to learn about the orphanage, and just to try and understand her more.. but not to be. At least i get to hang out with dad all weekend :D
oh well i must go and call a certain person... TATA!

its too darn hot!

*sigh* well as the title aptly states, it is extremely hot today. it didn't help to improve my mood... :( *sigh* i wish things weren't so complicated, it would be so much easier to deal with! i know that it goes without saying, thats things would be easier if they weren't complicated, but i hate it so much at the moment. its ripping me apart, and i don't even understand why! it is just so frustrating... i'm just so lonely :(

Three days can do alot...

*sigh* some people just seem to love picking you up, and making you think that something good has finally happened, then just throwing you out on the road, as if your trash, and think that your going to be ok with it. *tear* why does it have to happen like this, i mean one day, thats all it took to think about it. ONE FREAKING DAY!!!!! am i that worthless that i don't even get more than one day :( oh well, i guess it wouldn't be worth ity anyway :(

Murphys Law. Gotta Love It

why do things always happen at the most inconveinient time, or that they do happen at the right time, and then something else happens, just to make it that much more difficult to be happy....
well thats whats happening now...... :( and i don't know what i'm supposed to do. but i'll have to work it out sooner or later, or else i'm going to end up with nothing, and i'll have been all stresssed and everything without any good results. but i musn't think like that, cause thats how trouble starts. Now i will not offer a transaltion of this post, because at present it would completely irrelevant and illogical. but crumbs, everything happens at once doesn't it! and trust me to forget that the 28th is the weekend is my mums in NZ, and so cann't do anything that weekend due to my being out of contact etc due to my staying the weekend at my fathers. Well now that was quite a presentation. and now lacking in breath, i shall leave this here so as to recover, and possibly blog later on.

Vampirism..... mmmm blood -.-'

Vampirism is a phenomenon that has fascinated me for some time, and i never doubted once that the stories weren't entirely fictional. It is because of this that i have often searched for answers as to were the vampire myth came from, or in the case of it being real, where they are now. In this search i found a site, which proposed the idea that vampirism, was a myth derived from the unfortunate situations of persons suffering from a peculiar disease.

A scientific explanation is hard to find. Of all the disorders and diseases even loosely linked to vampirism, the most bizarre must be porphyria. It is a rare hereditary blood disease; its symptoms so closely match the myths associated with our modern conception of vampirism it's eerie. A victim of porphyria cannot produce heme, a major and vital component of red blood. Today, this disease is treatable with regular injections of heme into the body. However, as little as fifty years ago, this treatment was unavailable and the disease unknown.
In the past, a porphyria sufferer would show symptoms that include;

-Extreme sensitivity to sunlight
-Sores and scars that break open and will not heal properly
-Excessive hair growth
-Tightening of skin around lips and gums (which would make the incisors more prominent)

This disease would likely cause the victim to only go out at night, in order to avoid the painful rays of the sun. In addition, while garlic stimulates the production of heme in a healthy person, it would only cause the symptoms of porphyria to become more painfully severe. Porphyria was eventually discarded by scientists as a reasonable explanation of the vampire myth that has pervaded our history. Although vampire accounts of the past bear little resemblance to the dashing figure we romanticize today, these qualities may have contributed to our look at the vampire in film and fiction: pale skin, extended incisors, even the fear of the sun!

OVER!

School Certificate exams are OVER!!!!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D yes it is a good thing! duh!

school cert

well i'm glad that thats over! honestly the lead up to the school cert is so frustrating! i mean really! sure i'm glad that the pressure was there, and that it meant i did freak out a bit and study a bit. but seriously, that was so not painful! well i mean the maths might have hurt a little bit, but thats ok, pain is good. . .

but its good that its over now. just have to get ready for next year now....

My pens almost out of ink...

hmm, my pen is seriously almost out of ink :( its so sad! now my work won't smell of marzipan anymore! *sigh* but thats ok, it just means i have to find a new pen! and preferably one that works! *sigh* the small and meaningless things that entertain us in the dull moments of life. Talking about pens.....

*sigh* its so sad sometimes when your with someone you used to be really close to, and cause you haven't talked for a while, theres nothing to talk about anymore. And then its just this silence, of *we used to be friends, but now we're not* its painful.... especially when i think that its cause they're trying now cause of stuff i said. But its so awkward when there in't anything there anymore.

well thats my cry for the day.

Good Luck!

well school certificate is only a day away. Last week it could have been years away. funny how things like that creep up on you. well good luck to everyone and hope you all go well.
in other news, well, there isn't any other news. so i'll leave it here.

chess....

Life is a complicated game of chess. continual movement of pieces across a board, however, unlike conventional chess, this new game doesn't have two minds pitted against each other. In actual fact, an number of minds may lay seige to the play. Aliegences are made and broken constantly. A king, searches for his queen, and finding her, they stand united. However, this does not make them any stronger or weaker than other players. its how the use their union, and their respect for that reunion that changes the balance of the game. But all this ceaseless prattle is pointless, like the thoughts which run through my mind constantly, and trigger me. How can i be so consumed by hate, that i'm scared to be without it. how can i have come so far, and not realise that my entire reason for living revolved aroun the anxiety of living? wishes to die were contradicted by my will to live and endure the other sufferings. i wanted to feel pain. It hurt me awfully, but it made me feel alive. I'm not talking pysical pain, but the emotional pain. That heart wrenching, bleeding, torn, massacred emotion which so consumes me now. Hate and anger rule me, almost entirely. I am happy, i enjoy my life, but in the constant movement of the chess piesces, and the constant changes, how can i be sure of where i shall lay foundations.... i long to be free, i long to be free from freedom. Honestly, freedom is a wonderful thing, except for me, its lost its shine. I don't want to wholey independent, i want to be something different to what i've been programmed to be... but i don't know how.

:(

isn't so heart wrenching when you let someone down? especially when that person is so deserving of others support. Its a double bladed knife.. cuts both ways. :(

Food For Thought....

Life is such a complicated thing. Not that anyone didn't know that already, but it is the only thing that is constant throughout our being on this earth. Seriously, if you think about it, life is the only thing that is always there. Of course after you die, no one has any idea whats going to really happen. i mean heaven, hell, the elysian fields, hades, reincarnation, decomposition, paradise, Feng Du, i mean who knows what really happens after we pass on. That is what plauges me constantly with religion. In my life i have been exposed to only a select few beiliefs, none of whch have fulfilled my desire for understanding of life and truth. Christianity, what i was predominantly raised on, never stuck home. I fell into paganism for a time, and could still be called such as i do not hold faith in the christian god. I belive, for the sake of those around me, that there is a god of sorts, but i can't believ that one religion is the true and correct way. it is impossible for there to only be one true religion that will deliver salvation. There are millions of religions in the world, how can only some people get the right book? this is just an idea i have been mulling over for some time. honestly, i don't know, i've looked into these thgoughts, and researched, but i just can't find anything that has clarified my ideas. well, it's food for thought anyway...