Closest Thing To Crazy

I love this song and i finally found the lyrics to it, so i though i'd post them :)

Closest Thing To Crazy
- Katie Melua

How can I think I'm standing strong,
Yet feel the air beneath my feet?
How can happiness feel so wrong?
How can misery feel so sweet?
How can you let me watch you sleep,
Then break my dreams the way you do?
How can I have got in so deep?
Why did I fall in love with you?

CHORUS:
This is the closest thing to crazy I have ever been
Feeling twenty-two, acting seventeen,
This is the nearest thing to crazy I have ever known,
I was never crazy on my own.
And now I know that there's a link between the two,
Being close to craziness and being close to you.

How can you make me fall apart
Then break my fall with loving lies?
It's so easy to break a heart;
It's so easy to close your eyes.
How can you treat me like a child
Yet like a child I yearn for you?
How can anyone feel so wild?
How can anyone feel so blue?

CHORUS
This is the closest thing to crazy I have ever been
Feeling twenty-two, acting seventeen,
This is the nearest thing to crazy I have ever known,
I was never crazy on my own.
And now I know that there's a link between the two,
Being close to craziness and being close to you.

...and being close to you, and being close to you.

A Storms brewing by the looks :)

Well, today was ok, i was so tired though fo most of it :( like for the past five nights about, i haven't been able to sleep through, like i've woken up at least once each night. :( *sigh* oh well its ok i guess. but it doens' help that i have to sleep most nights with the radio on, not because i want to, but cause its better than putting up with the noise mum and greg make >:-(grrr, i hate it when he comes over, its so bloody annoying! oh well, we got to gamble in maths today which was fun :) the only thing i like about probability is that it teaches you how to gamble :P
i really need to do my science assignment :( i don't have to do much, just the experiment and the results, but i so cant be bothered! :( and i got so busted today by ms bligh! i hadn't done any of the assignment, and she came after me today, i didn't mean to, but after i just started crying, and yeh, :( but hugs helped :) thanks steph :)

another heartache...

Grr, i hate it when that happens, and i can't fix it this time! sorryt just deleted a whole post and now i can't undo it!

Well, lets try again... (abreviated version)
I Love Origami! it is so cool! its kind of relaxing as well! i made this really cool brocade ball today, it took 6 pieces of paper, and it looks so cool! :) i love it :)

And what else happened, well not much. for the first time in ages, andre hasn't come round for the weekend. which is a new experience, but it was good in a way, cause i could get a fair bit of my homework done.

Umm, last night mum and i went to a dinner at the RACA with my grandparents, cousin, and his wife. It was better than i thought it would be, but it still wasn't wonderful. At least mum has given up on trying to make me do maths for yrs 11 and 12. She spoke to dad about it, and to Paul, (cousin) and Shibaughn (wife, i don't know how to spell her name, but its not like that!) and has come to the realisation that i have, that i really won't need it that much! Yay, so that was a good thing. But i had the worst headache before we left home... Mum was trying to make me hurry up and get ready, but i just wanted to scream at her, and tell her that i didn't want to go, but i guess, in the end it turned out ok, besides the fact that i have been extremely tired this weekend. i don't know why..

Other heartache though, :( dads been having problems giving up the drink. Like he'll be ok for a while but then something will happen, or something will trigger something in his head, and he'll fall back again. :( it hurts so much, and he knows it hurts us, but one thing that hurts more, is mums attitude towards the problem sometimes! Liek she'll say something and i know she doesn't mean it to sound as bad as it does, but it really hurts sometimes. Its bad enough that i feel like i'm losing my dad, but its even harder when mum says thing about him, and all that :( and when she raves on about greg, and how wonderful he is and all that! its just so annoying. She doesn't see that the reason she likes him so much is because hes so much like dad! it so annoying! like i hate him, just because of the things about him, that r like dad, and that aren't like dad. i mean i hate greg's sense of humor, and i bhate the way he always stirs, and tries to make you bite and all that! because most of the time when he does i to me, its insulting, or offensinve, or just annoying! i hate it! and i hate the fact that now that mums going out with greg, i hear less and less about dad, cause mums constantly talking about greg! it hurts so much! i mean i sometimes feel like i'm losing my dad, it so hard, cause i mean if i ever did lose him, i know i wouldn't be able to cope! cause i mean after we lost Melisa, it still hurts! i think about her almost everyday! its so hard, i loved her so much! she meant so much to me, and now if i were to lose dad, it would be like losing ecerything good in the world! i just wish i could do more to help him. but i don't know what i can do, besides be there for him as a daughter. i just wish he would stop hurting like i am. I know he hurts, cause thats why he drinks, i know, he's told me, but i don't know what else i can do to help... like i'd like to spend more time with him, but its so hard with school work, and mum and eveything *sigh* oh well *tear* i'll just keep going i guess, hoping that maybe, one day, things will work out.

God i miss you dad :'(

Indecisiveness! - is that how its spelt???

Well i really don't know what i want to do! It is the most frustrating thing at the moment. I mean i love andre more than anything else, and i don't want to lose or hurt him. but i honestly don't know what i want to do. or what i even want! i mean, there is so much i want to see and do before i settle down, and being woth andre, is basically the equivilant of marriage, and i really dont know if i want toi stay where i know i'll be secure, and safe, or if i want to venture out to other things. i mean i know it sounds shallow, but i want to be with other people during my life, before i find a life partner. i mean, i have options, i know that, but i dont know whether i want to try them or wateva, and yeh i just really don't know! cause i know its impossible but i want someone who i can leave on the sideline, and then try all this, then run back to them when it doesnt work. impossible i know, and i must sound like the most shallow person at the moment! and i honestly don't mean it to sound as shallow as it does...but i can't helpp it, i love attention, and i guess i like being a flirt as well, but hell whats wrong with that?????

Well i've decide on one thing! I'm definatly going to have black roses at my wedding! I Love Them! They are so beautiful! Seriously! 

Shed a tear for me, I'll cry the night away, here in endless misery, I'll find my hope one day 

A Long Overdue Tribute...

Dedicated to a dear friend lost to the world of addiction. She was never given a proper chance in life, but she always did the best she could. Many people didn't like her, or approve of what she did, but that didn't make her any less of a human being. She didn't deserve to die the way she did, even if it was of her own making. She was a wonderful person, a dedicated mother, and always there if someone needed her. True she had her flaws, and I see now that she was less than perfect, but I still loved her.

For Mellisa

Deep in the recesses of my mind,

Lost in that sea of black eternity,

A dark twisted secret that I find,

Revealed the flaws in that entity.

Being lost in a sea of lonliness,

I am drenched in the sorrow and tears,

Clinging numbly to that which is hopeless,

Wishing she was there to banish my fears.

The life from her face, fading fast,

Having passed on to a watery grave,

Staring blankly at the wall i try to grasp,

At her memory, refusing to succumb to the wave.

In this endless misery I wonder how

Will i survive without such a friend now?

-_-*

Anger consumes my being, i hold on to the last,

Pushing it away, i begin to tear myself apart,

I wonder how it came to be this myriad of pain,

Feeling lost in all my emotion, i welcome the rain.

And something i forgot!!!!! (and its not dust!)

Well yes just a detail about canberra i forgot to mention as ashleigh so kindly reminded me.
in the evening as we were socialising, all three of us (nikki, ash and myself) left our room thinking that one of the others had the key. then finding ourselves locked out, we had to run to find richard, the dude who had all the spares, and get an extra key to get in with.. thankfully we caught him before he left for the pub, and scored an extra key for the night! quite handy really! :P so yes, that was that! It definatly beats loosing the door completly as what happened on the yr 7 mentor camp! :Pyes, haveing a mattress as a temporary door was quite amusing. as was pushing people through it! then getting a bruise the size and shape of tasmania while trying to stop someone from ransacking the room!! thank you graeme!!!!!

CANBERRA!!!! we're back......

Well, thursday and friday proved to be highly fascinating times. As many people know, 40 students from Davidson High went to Canberra for a science excursion during the Australian Science Festival. Thanks to Terry Clarke, of Clarke Coaches, and also to Ms Ferguson and Mr Kimura, the trip was highly enjoyable, productive and chaotic! However, i must not forget to thank Ashleigh, david, and Luke, who helped to convince Ms Ferguson that is was worthwhile going on the trip agian, even though it should have been skipped this year! So a big THANKYOU! to those very special people!
Now where to start? Well as i am going to recout the whole trip, i may as well start from the beginning! First thing that happened was waking up to see complete darkness in Chatswood. Wel that was just scary! not even the flourescent Westfield light shined in through my window! very sad. But i woke up all the same, showered, dressed, ate, then walked! Driving to school proved my point that morning radio is sucky, and that midnight radio is always the best! ANyway, arriving at school at 5:30, and seeing all the gang who, like me, were still rubbing the sleep from their eyes! Well it didn't tkae long for everyone to arrive and get on the bus. Well that was it. Hyperactivity and noise all the way! it was so much fun!
Watching the sun rise over the mountains after we left sydney had to have been one of the most beautiful things! It was such a relief to get out of home for a while! Any way back to the trip. After reaching Canberra, our first stop was the ANU (Australian National University) where we were split into two groups, one who would take a coures in Photonics, and one whou would participate in an Earth and Marine Science course. I was in E + M Science, with ash, kirst, kell, bec, and 15 other people. We spent a fascintaing hour or so with Nick and Sarah learning about volcanoues, deep sea vents, and what most of us found very humorous, dead bugs! not that there were actually bugs, they proved to me microscopic organisms that live in the deep sea. these organisms, made of Calcium Carbonate, and Silicon. Pictures of thes little citters were fascinating! and i'm so glad that they're microscopic, any bigger, and they'd be freaky!
After completing our mini-degrees, we were issued with our bags of goodies, lunch was served in the uni grounds. The Photonics group soon joined us, and a few of the guys were still wearing their, 'oh so cool' rainbow specs! aka, paper glasses which refacted light into a spectrum of colours. After luch, we had a short break while waiting for Terry to pick us up.
Back on the bus it was a short drive to Earth Science Education Centre. Here Gale and Lehanne showed us many more geological wonders, after Jackie sighed their ingenious logbook. A large cylinder or water, where each group who visited the centre, was represented by a layer of sand, soil or gravel. In two groups, we all alternately perused the lobby on a treasure hunt for minerals, rocks, and other fascinating tresures. Then we explored different experiments in the centre. Combining again, we bid farwell to the earth sceince education centre, and made our way to the AIS (Australian Institute of Sport)
Arriving early, we watched the olympics on the big screen while waiting for our tour to begin. hen our guide arrived, and escorted us to the activities room. Here we stayed for 45 minutes while testing our mettle on the rowing machines, or in the golf cage, or seeing how different a basketball hoop looks from a wheel chair. Anika and i had a great time, challenging Danny and Rory to a boys vs girls shoot out in the basketball cage, GIRLS WIN! 10-7! Thankyou Thankyou! helped a bit that ani and i had both done basketball at some stage, sorry rory, but your just a bit to short! Anyway moving on! Our tour of the AIS took us through the Gymnasium, where jess and i spent time drooling over the guys doing the pommel horse! Then continuing on to the volleyballers, ashleigh and i enjoyed picking our favourites! And learning that the tallest person on the team was about 6"5' was a jaw-dropping treat! Following this, we proceeded to the swimming. Again, ashleigh and i agreed that guys in speedos is not a terribly exciting sight! and none of them seemed to be able to get out of the pool and walk 15 metres without 'fixing' themselves! *sigh* buty they were cute from the waist up! we avoided looking any lower! Then after the swimmers came the basketballers! mm, very tall! and not as cute, but i wouldn't be complaing!
Well after AIS, we headed for our motel, and dinner! It was great to have a hot meal! Chicken schnitzel, mash, zuccini and carrots, all with gray was one of the most appreciated meals of all time! however trying to make ashleigh eat all hers was a slight chore,but hey, its all good! After dinner, we made camp in our rooms, and changed into our civi's. Then it was onto the bus again, and a drive to the canberra convention centre to listen to four speakers, the editor of New Scientist in England, A femal astronaut who's been into space twice, a female deep sea diver and researcher, and a man who was an expert in physics i belive, and who had some very sceptical ideas on alien messages and the human genome. He felt that it were possible that aliens had left a message encrypted in the human genome, so that it would survive until a time where we could find it. A fascinating evening, many people found it boring, however i loved it, and subsequently copped a slight amount of crap because of it. Oh well, it was fun.
Returning to the motel, we all had a brilliant evening socialising! However without realising it, we made a very big mistake writing a letter to Anika. Ash had been having problems and outlining them in a letter seemed like a good idea. however when she read the letter the following morning, it had a less than deirable result. Anika stormed in to our room. Said "Why don't i just get out of your face Bitch" and then throwing the trorn up letter in ashleigh's face! Well it didn't allow for an axiety free day, but it was a good one nonetheless.
After breakfast, we made our way to the CSIRO Discovery centre. Here we were asked to think of ourselves as the board of a company thinking of supporting a research program. Only on program was able to be supported, and two were presented. one, involved the adressing of the cane toad problem in australia, the other, developement of 'functional food' listening to both side of the arguemnt, and also viewing a 3D movie, undr the guidance of Ed, Steve, and another CSIRO staff ,member. After this, a majority vote saw that the cane toad issue was a far more pressing problem to Australia.
After finishing here, we were directed to a theatrical presentation on the comparisons between nature and the defence forces use of camoflague. aimed at primary school students, it proved to allow a good rest point for many of our companions. But did prove a good experience, as we recieved a free cap or drink bottle.
Our next stop was the convention centre once more, to visit and Eplore the amazing world of science exhibits. A wonderful experience, was however eclipsed by being an audience to Conan The Bubble Man! A fascinating man, he talked about the science of bubble, and showed us some amazing things. Aswell as putting Ms Ferguson inside a bubble! He created a fire buble, a smoke bubble, big, thin, fat, long, and most curious of all, a cube bubble! He also created a bubble on a light table, which allowed us to see the way the light refracts differently through different areas of the bubble. He also adapted a piece of tecnology used to investigate air turbulance, into a bubble prestentation of epic proportions! rateher entertaining! Then Q&A time. in the words of Bronwen.... "Do you have a special blowing tecnique?" Absolutly hillarious for davo!
*sigh* well after COnan, we drove to questacon, and ate lunch on the front steps. Then our last visit began. The girls, Danny and i worked our way from the top to the bottom. The newest addition was a diplay on venomous creatures, the upermost gallery. then working our way through familiar galleries, we made our way to the bottom.
Then finally, we boarded the bus and began our journey home. Stopping at suttons forest for dinner, we were the 15th coach to pass through the macca's ther in and hour and a half! quite an interesting yet unnessercary fact!
Well arriving home, back at school at 8, i was surprised by my boyfriend who came to meet me!
well i'm going to leave it here, that was my trip to canberra, well the concise version anyway.
End Trans!

Just a point..

just a point to make, i was reading through my post caled "Boyfriend?" and i though that i might need to clarify that it wasn't my boyfriend i was reffering to, rather my mothers current boyfriend. Just thought i'd let you know.

The love potion you made tastes terrible, how will you drink it?

by closing my eyes tight,
by shutting the door and locking it,
by opening my mouth in silence,
and then dying of asphyxiation...


cause thats what false love does, and thats all that can be achieved by a man-made potion.

Love is a gift of something more than what man himself can create. It is something that must be felt with your entire being. not just your heart, or just your body, or just your mind. Only a love which can be felt by all of these can be called real love. And thats when you die, because you realise that you can't live without the other person, and without their love in return, your heart breaks and slowly bleeds, releasing the life from your body.

You feel as if the hurt and angst will never leave you. and so it is then that you give up your life, love, and being, and give in to the darkness. . .

Unless, of course, the person you love loves you in return. then you will be blessed with endless days of happines, and well being. however, all this is easily lost in an instant.

Love is a rose, it requires alot of work and protection, even in the barren months, the rose bush needs protection and care to ensure that the roses will come with the fetile days.

Whoooo! Busy Day!

Well wasn't today eventful! Gawd i luv miss suttling! she is so da bomb! she is the best fun in elective geography! *smiles happily*


The day began quite normally actually, beside the fact that andre stayed over last night, again! And that the rain proved to be quiite troublesome in that it couln't decide whether it wanted to stay or go, therefore it blessed us with a very fine misty rain all day! From this, and the overnight rain, many puddle formed around the school. It was in one of such puddles near the "roughly steped" route to the oval, that Mr Barnes stepped into when he wasn't watching where he was going. Finding this thouroughly ammusing, i proceeded to laugh as i mounted the rough log steps which proved the quickest route to our "hang out" spot. It was as i did this that i slipped and overbalanced, subsequently dropping all my stuff and falling flat on my back in a rather mulchy mess. Hence i became the butt of a joke which sent Mr Barnes along with all my other friends present at the time, into fits of laughter at my misfortune!


And in other breaking news, Sheri, for reasons yet unknown, found herself in the middle of a foreign group. a rescue attempt has be made to free sheri from the clutches of the male oval/cricket net base. She was feircly gaurded by a certain "monty" figure. However the ensueing battle was less than forgiving. We fear to report that sheri's jumper has been stretched beyond repair, and her ribs, and sides are still aching from the arduous experience. Also, her pants are seriously mud stained. However, as the battle raged back and forth, the tug of war took their toll on both the "monty" and the rescuing females. all involved suffered their share of dimples, and toothy grins. However, after the struggle and the tears, Sheri managed to extract herself from the clutches of the "monty", and also the female rescuers. She managed her own escape, and found safety in the company of two female bystanders. Seeming safe from hostility, the female rescuers returned to their base, and here sheri remained for a time. Then the uinthinkable happenes. Sheri extracted herself from the female group, and made her way once again into the male camp. Her point made that this was where she wanted to be at the time made, no rescue attempt was sought.


*sigh* I haven't had that much fun in a long time!


It was after this hectic lunch experience that i found yself in the grips of a furious prepartaion process for a history group presentationon the history after WW2 of aboriginals. David and myself were presenting the 6 government policies of the time. Unfortunatly neither of us had prepared any work on which we could present. So we then proceede to read off a question sheet which had been issued to us. Quite a funny experience really!


Well that was quite an eventful day now wasn't it! I told you so!


WE GO TO CANBERRA ON THURSDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!! GO THE SCIENCE GEEKS!!!!!!!!!

Well, another day, another headache...

*sigh* i really hate english at the moment! its soo annoying, like i seriously flunked the listening exam! i got 11 0out of 19, which is soooooooooooo shit! grrr, i hate ms jones!she can be such a cow! i mean how was i supposed to know that i had to list 8 techniques, instead of looking at the technique, and example, and then the effect! jeeze, they don't tell you shit in those tests! i mean really! there's go to be some lee-way in the marking that would allow for different types of responses! but hell, i don't care anymore! i think i'll just go and burn my test paper! *stomps of in a huff, scrunches up the test paper, lights it on fire then boots it over the balcony an watches as the burning meteor falls 8 storeys...* isn't it fun to be a pyro!

I miss him :'(

Man, you know whats really annoying!? I haven't seen andre for like a week, well, no, i saw him on wednesday, but that hardly counts. so excluding wednesday, i haven't seen him for over a week, and i really miss him! its so sad, and he was supposed to come over yesterday, except i called him, and he was at cronulla, and he couldn't get here. and so i'm desperatly hopng i'm going to be able to see him today! i hope! PLEASE!
But i'm really pleased with myself, cause i've gotten basically all of my schoolwork done! not including english of course. thats just never going to happen!
Oh but Nour called last night! it was so weird, and like he wants to come see me and go for a cruise so we can get to know each other and stuff. and he's going to call again next week. its weird, cause like we met him, adam and ahmed at the easter show, and like he still remembers me, and wants to see me, and its like almost 6 months later!
so yes thats me for today, i'm going to go message dad and find out how the trains are going.

*sigh* i hate subject selection!

Well lets see, not much new has happened. School is pretty much the same, not much new happening there. Apart from that i hope i can work out what i want to do for yr 11 subjects without too much drama. I seriously have no idea what i'm going to do when I have to drop like 4 subjects! i can see tears coming now!

Frustrationis a very annoying emotion.... wait, is it?

Heres a question.... is frustration an emotion? can it be catagorised as an emotion, or is it something else, and if so what??????????????????????????????????????
well, today was extremely boring! i've managed to lose my science book, and its really annoying. i'm currently supposed to be doing maths homework, before ballet, but yeh and i still have to burn a cd for nikki, but the tracks are taking their sweet time downloading! and yeh, its annoying. a lot of things r annoying at the moment..... i just want everything to happen now! its not fair! and i want it to be friday, so that andre and i r off our "break" and then we can be all good again! grr, i wish i could chuck a huge tantrum right now with screams and tears and everything, just from frustratuion! i mean i could, but its pretty pointless with no one around, cause then no one sees u, and how much ur hurting! its just the biggest frustration!

Boyfriend?

Grrrrrrrr! The more hes around and the more i see him, the more i hate him! its just sooo annoying! its just too soon, i don't know! its driving me up the wall! its so not fair. Why cant she just stop it being so full on. i mean its one thing to have a bf, but another to have them dropping in twenty four seven! i just hate it! i hate his humor! i hate the way all he does is talk! and he talks all through a tv/video or anything!!!!!!!!!! you can't concentrate when he's around! I hate it, it sends shivers up my spine, and its really annoying! man i wish i had a punching bag or some thing!

*sigh* hope so

Well, lets see things seem to have worked out. At least for the moment. Apart from the fact that i'm feeling a little cheated at the moment. i spoke to Mr no name, and thats never going to happen, so yes.
*sigh* now i just want to be with andre again *sigh* but i have to give it time i think.......

Grrrrrrr! Damn History Assignment!

just wanted to voice my frustartion at having to do my major history assignment work on flippping aboriginals! not that i have anything against them, i just hate haveing their causes shoved down my throat constantly! especially when there was a possibility of doing migrants or women instaead!!!!!!!!!!! :'(

Dress? Ready by Wednesday? Serial?????

Hmmm, i really need to get my dress done for the tas display. . . . *sigh* so much to do, so little time.

*sigh* (humming) "i just don't know what to do with myself....."

Well ice-skating was great, besides the fact that i fell flat on my back, and it is now caning pretty bad. Bradley was an ok kid, i mean i vs'd him at table tennis when we got back to gregs brothers place, and yeh. so i mean all round it was a pretty ok day. The unfortunate thing is that the more i get to know greg, the more i dislike him. really annoying. i mean he's a nice guy and all, but he has a bit of a warped sense of humor, and its really annoying, cause alot of the time i don't find what he says amusing, but i have to laugh or "smile nicely" to be polite. and it really ticks me off. i guess i just take things a bit too seriously, i mean i'm still dealing with my own issues, and its just a major freak out now that mums dived into this new relatuionship. and yeh its happened so fast!

Its really hard, cause now that i've put things with andre on hold for a week, i don't know what i'm meant to do. well i know that i've got to work myself out, and work out whats going on in my head. i mean i really wish this hadn't happened, but i guess i'm glad it did, cause it gives me a chance to work things out without any real pressure. BUt truth is, i really don't know what i want. i mean, i love andre, and i never want to lose him, but this other person in my head(no names here, :P), is just confusing me. like i honestly don't know how i feel, or how i want to feel about him. Like i used to think i was pretty good friends with him, and all that cause we'd email and talk about stuff, and it was great, but thats all stopped now, just cause he's gotten so busy lately, and yeh. i mean cause thats stopped, i guess i'm questioning whether we're still friends or not. I realised the other day also that he knows alot about me, and everything, but i know very little about him. which is sad in a way, cause he's one of those people that i really want to know. But he scares me. he scares me beyond belief. i'm not sure why or how, but he does. And i know that if ever were to be together it would never work out cause we're just such different people. and our backgrounds, and also our beliefs are just so different. it could never work out. and i really don't know what i am to him. i know at the moment i wouldn't be much just because he has a girlfriend, and he has so much else on his mind. i don't know, maybe if i just tell him how i feel, and then leave it at that, so that its out of my system, and then go back to andre. i don't know........

First of the beginning

Well honestly i have no idea where to start, but i will say that having to choose year 11 subjects has got to be one of the most annoying things on the planet! They reccomend doing 12 units or 6 subjects, and i go and choose 16 units, i have no idea what i'm going to do if i manage to get all of them! its so not fair though, cause i don't know what i'd do if i din't get all of them! :( sad moment.

*sigh, everything seems to be a bit of a sad moment right now. Dad was going really well withthe whole staying on the wagon thing until last night. No idea why, but he had a drink. and now i have no idea what to think. Cause Greg (mums bf) was saying that he'd be lucky if he made it, and i was just sitting at the table wishing that i could just stand up and yell at him for doubting my father. But then it turns out that he might be right. ANd that just kills me. And seeing my dad, and his mental, state, its scarily reminding me of myself when i have my "phases". Its just crazy! And scary, just the prospect that i might be like this for all my life, even into adulthood.

And now i might loose the most important person in my life (boyfriend) because i have harboured feelings, (again) for some one else. Its so frustrating! i mean really, i don't mean to for this to happen. But i hate being tied down. and i know that he's probably right when he says he won't have me in a week or so, and i wish that i may be able to proove him wrong. and currently i have every intention of doing so. Now we've put everything on hold for a week, so that i may be able to sort myself out, and work out what i want to do in relation with my heart. Honestly i don't know what i want to do. I've known andre for about 2 1/2 years now, and over that time our relationship has changed so much. I mean when we first met, we were basically best friends, and then we went out, and we would constantly break up and get back together, and all that, and then we lost contact for a while until early this year. now, we're going out again, and although i know i love him, and i woulkd hate to be without him, i'm really questioning how happy i actually am being with him.

Oh well i'm wrapping it up here as i need to go wrangle with my head as to how best tackle this now that i have the freedom to tell someone how i feel about them. And whether i really want to or not.