another heartache...

Grr, i hate it when that happens, and i can't fix it this time! sorryt just deleted a whole post and now i can't undo it!

Well, lets try again... (abreviated version)
I Love Origami! it is so cool! its kind of relaxing as well! i made this really cool brocade ball today, it took 6 pieces of paper, and it looks so cool! :) i love it :)

And what else happened, well not much. for the first time in ages, andre hasn't come round for the weekend. which is a new experience, but it was good in a way, cause i could get a fair bit of my homework done.

Umm, last night mum and i went to a dinner at the RACA with my grandparents, cousin, and his wife. It was better than i thought it would be, but it still wasn't wonderful. At least mum has given up on trying to make me do maths for yrs 11 and 12. She spoke to dad about it, and to Paul, (cousin) and Shibaughn (wife, i don't know how to spell her name, but its not like that!) and has come to the realisation that i have, that i really won't need it that much! Yay, so that was a good thing. But i had the worst headache before we left home... Mum was trying to make me hurry up and get ready, but i just wanted to scream at her, and tell her that i didn't want to go, but i guess, in the end it turned out ok, besides the fact that i have been extremely tired this weekend. i don't know why..

Other heartache though, :( dads been having problems giving up the drink. Like he'll be ok for a while but then something will happen, or something will trigger something in his head, and he'll fall back again. :( it hurts so much, and he knows it hurts us, but one thing that hurts more, is mums attitude towards the problem sometimes! Liek she'll say something and i know she doesn't mean it to sound as bad as it does, but it really hurts sometimes. Its bad enough that i feel like i'm losing my dad, but its even harder when mum says thing about him, and all that :( and when she raves on about greg, and how wonderful he is and all that! its just so annoying. She doesn't see that the reason she likes him so much is because hes so much like dad! it so annoying! like i hate him, just because of the things about him, that r like dad, and that aren't like dad. i mean i hate greg's sense of humor, and i bhate the way he always stirs, and tries to make you bite and all that! because most of the time when he does i to me, its insulting, or offensinve, or just annoying! i hate it! and i hate the fact that now that mums going out with greg, i hear less and less about dad, cause mums constantly talking about greg! it hurts so much! i mean i sometimes feel like i'm losing my dad, it so hard, cause i mean if i ever did lose him, i know i wouldn't be able to cope! cause i mean after we lost Melisa, it still hurts! i think about her almost everyday! its so hard, i loved her so much! she meant so much to me, and now if i were to lose dad, it would be like losing ecerything good in the world! i just wish i could do more to help him. but i don't know what i can do, besides be there for him as a daughter. i just wish he would stop hurting like i am. I know he hurts, cause thats why he drinks, i know, he's told me, but i don't know what else i can do to help... like i'd like to spend more time with him, but its so hard with school work, and mum and eveything *sigh* oh well *tear* i'll just keep going i guess, hoping that maybe, one day, things will work out.

God i miss you dad :'(