First of the beginning

Well honestly i have no idea where to start, but i will say that having to choose year 11 subjects has got to be one of the most annoying things on the planet! They reccomend doing 12 units or 6 subjects, and i go and choose 16 units, i have no idea what i'm going to do if i manage to get all of them! its so not fair though, cause i don't know what i'd do if i din't get all of them! :( sad moment.

*sigh, everything seems to be a bit of a sad moment right now. Dad was going really well withthe whole staying on the wagon thing until last night. No idea why, but he had a drink. and now i have no idea what to think. Cause Greg (mums bf) was saying that he'd be lucky if he made it, and i was just sitting at the table wishing that i could just stand up and yell at him for doubting my father. But then it turns out that he might be right. ANd that just kills me. And seeing my dad, and his mental, state, its scarily reminding me of myself when i have my "phases". Its just crazy! And scary, just the prospect that i might be like this for all my life, even into adulthood.

And now i might loose the most important person in my life (boyfriend) because i have harboured feelings, (again) for some one else. Its so frustrating! i mean really, i don't mean to for this to happen. But i hate being tied down. and i know that he's probably right when he says he won't have me in a week or so, and i wish that i may be able to proove him wrong. and currently i have every intention of doing so. Now we've put everything on hold for a week, so that i may be able to sort myself out, and work out what i want to do in relation with my heart. Honestly i don't know what i want to do. I've known andre for about 2 1/2 years now, and over that time our relationship has changed so much. I mean when we first met, we were basically best friends, and then we went out, and we would constantly break up and get back together, and all that, and then we lost contact for a while until early this year. now, we're going out again, and although i know i love him, and i woulkd hate to be without him, i'm really questioning how happy i actually am being with him.

Oh well i'm wrapping it up here as i need to go wrangle with my head as to how best tackle this now that i have the freedom to tell someone how i feel about them. And whether i really want to or not.