Sometimes i wish i could go back....

I'm so drained at the moment, really, i wish i could go back..... and when i say go back, i mean to that place that came so close to destroying me. Really, i liked being there, not really in a good way, but still i was something there. there was substance to me, and i had something to cry about. Now i cry because i have nothing to cry over. or at least i didn't until mum came home. Now i'm just trying to work out what i want to do, and what i should do...

sorry if this is freaking people out, and really i am ok, i'm not going to do a plath, and stick my head in an oven or whatever. but i feel empty, even though i was happy, and life was great, i still felt empty and drained, from even the small bad things, just as much as i used to be during the bad times. So i couldn't see the point in not going back there seeing as things are affecting me to the same extent anyway just without reason to!

Just when i was there, when i was depressed and all that, i had something, i had anger, i had hate, or i had saddness, i had something, and i had something to write about, and i had something to draw on. I had an eternal source of emotion. When i'm happy, i'm not writing, i'm not doing anything like that anymore, because i don't need to. i don't need that emotional outlet. I want to write, i want to so badly, but i have nothing to write on! or at least i do, just i can't express myself.

Well life isn't a bed of roses, we all know that, and challenges are set for us to conquer, but still, i want to go back there so bad! i've wanted it for weeks now, and its scary! i'm scaring myself, and i don't even know why i want it so bad! but in anycase, i shall leave this here, and go and contemplate the happenings of today, and possibly write a poem or two....