hmm, a great boxing day.....not

funny how when u say ur never going to do something again, and yet, you go back and do it again, and get annoyed at urself all over again. well i do it, and i hate it... today mum asked if i wantd to go with her and greg and brad to gregs mums to watch the start of the sydney to hobart, and then see the yatchs go past tamarama beach, that was all fine, but they failed to mention that i woul dhave to put up with a family gathering with gregs brother and sister in law in the process, and in total have a very boring extra 4 hours with them while haveing to make idle small talk and sit through lunch etc etc...
very annoying, and then when asking where the nearest bus stop was, getting promptly shut down my mother. :( *sigh* the good times had to end sometime i guess.

Merry Christmas!

Well another christmas has come and gone, how quickly the year has passed.....

• Seems like only yesterday when i decided to take the plunge and go out with a year 9er.... for three weeks. :P , and then shortly after, the year 10 mentors rocked up for the first day, early. And then going back to vicky's, and then coming back to school at the appropriate time, only slightly tipsy! :P whoops! mabad! Oh but it was fun.
• Hmm, mentor camp.... enough said. :D yes that was reffering to specific people, you know who you are! CUBE! :D ;)
• Scandal on Lionel Watts!!!!!! hmm, no repeats now!
• Turning "Random Things and Waterlillies" into a 'best seller'.
• Going out with Andre, again, and breaking up, again...... but what can you do? *sigh*
• Then dealing with problems, like treeflower, neptune, and School Certificate. ooooh that was annoying, but anyway, we're past that now :)
• Hmmm, Canberra Science Camp :) mwa ha ha ha ha! an experience that will leave its mark on canberra for years to come! i still hear that dude yelling, "Damn those Davidson High girls who got locked out of their room and made me late for the pub!" well i guess it beats loosing the door entirely!
• Year 11 taster day, and information night, choosing year 11 subjects, and waiting for the lines to come back, then freaking out when they didn't work out!

And that was just a summary! :) but it was a good year :) i really enjoyed it, and i wouldn't change anything........ :) Year 10 was great, and now were coming up to new year. Year 11 should be even better, and hopefully with a little less catastrophe! :P

Well love you all, and we'll see you in the New Year!

and just to be completely random. me at the afters after formal.... the eye behind the Midori! :P But in conclusion, Singapore was a bomb, loved it! but man it good to be home :) Luv u guys! this is sheri saying goodbye ;) 

OOH BIG SCARY MERLION!!! meh, its all stone, but sheesh! it looks cool :) and at night, its eyes are two giant green lazer beams! :P 

Who Said Santa didn't exist! well ok, its roy dressed up to play the part at the Nex-G christmas party, but STILL! :P I BELIEVE IN SANTA!!!!!!!! 

No idea what this furry critter is, but it was cute as anyway, so i got a shot :) 

6, 290 km home, i was glad i wasn't going to walk that! but a 7 hour plane flight was still tiring! :P 

Ok, this is me on Sentosa Island, at what the call the Musical Fountain... Basical its a bit water thing, with loud speakers playing music. still it was quite nice :) 

ok, this is Henry. He enjoys, chinese, playing around, and cheating on his wife! Oh its fun, but get this, his girlfriends name is Baby.... well its her aquired name, but still What The? ANyway, hes a nice guy, and tries his best, but seems to have a bad habit of wanting to be a part of other peoples familes, hm, sounds odd i know, i'll explain later. 

Me, and Roy, he's Soniya and Ramesh's son. great guy, had a ton of fun, 35 yrs, not married, still living at home... eek! but still he seems to have found a nice girl called su peng, should work out well for him. 

Our lovely hosts, Soniya and Ramesh, These guys have known me my entire life, and they are basically family. Now Living in Singapore, Ramesh is CEO to Nex-G Up and coming wireless technologies company.  

Well Hello There!

Hey Hey Hey! I'm Back! And yoou all thought i had dissapeared for good! Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha! Anyway, enough of the shenanagins! hmm, reading all the dan brown books, is quite interesting, but major information overload! but seriously, recommend all of them :)
But Singapore was awesome, went to this really cool restaurant for my birthday, and it was so cool, highest restaurant in the world, 70 storeys up! and cause our table wasn't quite ready when we got there, i was snuck into the New Asia nightclub, which was in the same place, hmm, moet champagne is quite nice i must say :) and red wine with dinner, well that i'll pass on if offered again... :P but yes, shopping was excellent, and i had an absolute ball! :)
and quick recap of other happenings, going out with miles, happy bout that, andre called last night, ver surreal experience, and going to catch up with him later, and meeting up with gary sometime after christmas, and yeh, bout that i think. . . will post photos soon... :)

Hmmmmm..............

Ok I oficcially hate presentation night... it is so annoying! today we had the rehersal, and it was so boring! sitting there for two periods, is worse than watching grass grow! anyway, tomorrow night is going to be worse, but neway u get that i guess :(
I hate people who think that an apology is enough to patch up a betrayed friendship. oh well hopefully the point will get through.
Anyway, moving on..... this saturday, hopefully, as long as the weather is good, Miles and me are going on a double date with Kelly and Marvin on dads boat... should be good :P

Its The End Of The World As We Know It!!!!

Well its not quite the end of the world, but its still pretty chaotic and volatile to have a combination of, Ash, Nikki, cake, balconies, coffee, shops, water, soap, cameras, textas, soft drinks, and a UN/B-day/Christmas party :P Well it was fun all the same :P Anyway, i'm going to leave it there, cause i'm talking to Miles, and yeh, ... :P and no one is to comment on that ok! :P

meh

*sigh* well lets see, guys suck, they're just making things difficult at the moment, parents r cool mostly, excluding a certain mothers boyfriend.... otherwise life is cruisy, and yeh, othere than the usual difficulties asscoiated with christmas, everything is pretty much ok atm! for once :P

Aquiring Me!

Well Formal was absolutly excellent! everyone looked absolutly gorgeous, minus a few individuals who i will not name :P and the night was amazing! *sigh* and everyone has to send me photos!
And Ash Nikki and i all had our photos taken with santa in Chatswood! it was so fun :)
Hmm, and aquiring things can be very interesting! did u know that! i did!
But anyway, moving on.....
School finishes in 2 weeks, then its on to year 11! SCARY!!!!!

FORMAL IS TOMORROW!!!! :D

OMG! Formals tomorrow! I just finished my dress, so at least i have something to wear! :D but its going to be a great night :) and i still can't believe that i was gullible enough to have the afters, but i guess it'll be ok, i mean its gonna be fun, just what mum does is gonna be a bit of a worry :P i dont want her embarrasing me, but still its all good i guess.

*sigh* i hate letting people down, especially people i care about, and who really matter to me :(
oh well, i cant feel down for too long, i need to be happy tomorrow for formal. I promised tim, that when he saw me i'd be happy, i'm not going to let him down.

One day.... i'll fly away!

well its amazing what a day can do! this morning i thought i would be fine, and that the day would go ok, and i'd come home in the afternoon, and nothing would have changed. NOT THE CASE! even though the day was fine, i came home, and alot had happened. well not alot, but substantial enough to make me get mega-pissed at ppl.
Well after getting a 6 page letter from mahogany, i found that scorpion had mentioned things, and had been made to show mahogany emails which i had sent him. I'm just really pissed off because i trusted him, and i sent him that email, only expecting him to read it, and no one else, least of all Mahogany!!!! Jeeze it sucked. But i've give up on both of them, i seriously can't be bothered anymore. Like why bother trying to be friends with someone when they mess you around, betray your trust, and leave you lying in the gutter like you mean nothing! Its not fair, so why do it!
*sigh* leaving it here, and hoping that i can be strong enough to go through eith all that i've promised myself.

4 Days and counting.....

Well, i have four days to finish my formal dress. I'm pretty sure i will, but its kinda freaky, seeing as i'll only have 2 textiles lessons between now and the formal. I just hope i can fix all the problems i've found. Seriously, two days is too long to spend with your own work. You can stand there, and literally pick it to bits, just seeing little things that are wrong, or just slightly crooked. Hence why i'm writing this blog, just to get my mind off it for the moment. Also to burn time until 2:30 whne rock eisteddofd nationals are on. Channel 7, need to see who got the wild card entries. Hopefully Davo did. Really really hope Davo did... *DAVO . . . DAVO . . . DAVO*

and all was well

well the last few days have been absolute shiut. BUt nothing that an envigorating ballet class can't fix... unfortunatly cut shorter than the normal length but still goood :)
Mums going to NZ tomorrow, for her reunion, i would have liked to go with her, just to learn about the orphanage, and just to try and understand her more.. but not to be. At least i get to hang out with dad all weekend :D
oh well i must go and call a certain person... TATA!

its too darn hot!

*sigh* well as the title aptly states, it is extremely hot today. it didn't help to improve my mood... :( *sigh* i wish things weren't so complicated, it would be so much easier to deal with! i know that it goes without saying, thats things would be easier if they weren't complicated, but i hate it so much at the moment. its ripping me apart, and i don't even understand why! it is just so frustrating... i'm just so lonely :(

Three days can do alot...

*sigh* some people just seem to love picking you up, and making you think that something good has finally happened, then just throwing you out on the road, as if your trash, and think that your going to be ok with it. *tear* why does it have to happen like this, i mean one day, thats all it took to think about it. ONE FREAKING DAY!!!!! am i that worthless that i don't even get more than one day :( oh well, i guess it wouldn't be worth ity anyway :(

Murphys Law. Gotta Love It

why do things always happen at the most inconveinient time, or that they do happen at the right time, and then something else happens, just to make it that much more difficult to be happy....
well thats whats happening now...... :( and i don't know what i'm supposed to do. but i'll have to work it out sooner or later, or else i'm going to end up with nothing, and i'll have been all stresssed and everything without any good results. but i musn't think like that, cause thats how trouble starts. Now i will not offer a transaltion of this post, because at present it would completely irrelevant and illogical. but crumbs, everything happens at once doesn't it! and trust me to forget that the 28th is the weekend is my mums in NZ, and so cann't do anything that weekend due to my being out of contact etc due to my staying the weekend at my fathers. Well now that was quite a presentation. and now lacking in breath, i shall leave this here so as to recover, and possibly blog later on.

Vampirism..... mmmm blood -.-'

Vampirism is a phenomenon that has fascinated me for some time, and i never doubted once that the stories weren't entirely fictional. It is because of this that i have often searched for answers as to were the vampire myth came from, or in the case of it being real, where they are now. In this search i found a site, which proposed the idea that vampirism, was a myth derived from the unfortunate situations of persons suffering from a peculiar disease.

A scientific explanation is hard to find. Of all the disorders and diseases even loosely linked to vampirism, the most bizarre must be porphyria. It is a rare hereditary blood disease; its symptoms so closely match the myths associated with our modern conception of vampirism it's eerie. A victim of porphyria cannot produce heme, a major and vital component of red blood. Today, this disease is treatable with regular injections of heme into the body. However, as little as fifty years ago, this treatment was unavailable and the disease unknown.
In the past, a porphyria sufferer would show symptoms that include;

-Extreme sensitivity to sunlight
-Sores and scars that break open and will not heal properly
-Excessive hair growth
-Tightening of skin around lips and gums (which would make the incisors more prominent)

This disease would likely cause the victim to only go out at night, in order to avoid the painful rays of the sun. In addition, while garlic stimulates the production of heme in a healthy person, it would only cause the symptoms of porphyria to become more painfully severe. Porphyria was eventually discarded by scientists as a reasonable explanation of the vampire myth that has pervaded our history. Although vampire accounts of the past bear little resemblance to the dashing figure we romanticize today, these qualities may have contributed to our look at the vampire in film and fiction: pale skin, extended incisors, even the fear of the sun!

OVER!

School Certificate exams are OVER!!!!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D yes it is a good thing! duh!

school cert

well i'm glad that thats over! honestly the lead up to the school cert is so frustrating! i mean really! sure i'm glad that the pressure was there, and that it meant i did freak out a bit and study a bit. but seriously, that was so not painful! well i mean the maths might have hurt a little bit, but thats ok, pain is good. . .

but its good that its over now. just have to get ready for next year now....

My pens almost out of ink...

hmm, my pen is seriously almost out of ink :( its so sad! now my work won't smell of marzipan anymore! *sigh* but thats ok, it just means i have to find a new pen! and preferably one that works! *sigh* the small and meaningless things that entertain us in the dull moments of life. Talking about pens.....

*sigh* its so sad sometimes when your with someone you used to be really close to, and cause you haven't talked for a while, theres nothing to talk about anymore. And then its just this silence, of *we used to be friends, but now we're not* its painful.... especially when i think that its cause they're trying now cause of stuff i said. But its so awkward when there in't anything there anymore.

well thats my cry for the day.

Good Luck!

well school certificate is only a day away. Last week it could have been years away. funny how things like that creep up on you. well good luck to everyone and hope you all go well.
in other news, well, there isn't any other news. so i'll leave it here.

chess....

Life is a complicated game of chess. continual movement of pieces across a board, however, unlike conventional chess, this new game doesn't have two minds pitted against each other. In actual fact, an number of minds may lay seige to the play. Aliegences are made and broken constantly. A king, searches for his queen, and finding her, they stand united. However, this does not make them any stronger or weaker than other players. its how the use their union, and their respect for that reunion that changes the balance of the game. But all this ceaseless prattle is pointless, like the thoughts which run through my mind constantly, and trigger me. How can i be so consumed by hate, that i'm scared to be without it. how can i have come so far, and not realise that my entire reason for living revolved aroun the anxiety of living? wishes to die were contradicted by my will to live and endure the other sufferings. i wanted to feel pain. It hurt me awfully, but it made me feel alive. I'm not talking pysical pain, but the emotional pain. That heart wrenching, bleeding, torn, massacred emotion which so consumes me now. Hate and anger rule me, almost entirely. I am happy, i enjoy my life, but in the constant movement of the chess piesces, and the constant changes, how can i be sure of where i shall lay foundations.... i long to be free, i long to be free from freedom. Honestly, freedom is a wonderful thing, except for me, its lost its shine. I don't want to wholey independent, i want to be something different to what i've been programmed to be... but i don't know how.

:(

isn't so heart wrenching when you let someone down? especially when that person is so deserving of others support. Its a double bladed knife.. cuts both ways. :(

Food For Thought....

Life is such a complicated thing. Not that anyone didn't know that already, but it is the only thing that is constant throughout our being on this earth. Seriously, if you think about it, life is the only thing that is always there. Of course after you die, no one has any idea whats going to really happen. i mean heaven, hell, the elysian fields, hades, reincarnation, decomposition, paradise, Feng Du, i mean who knows what really happens after we pass on. That is what plauges me constantly with religion. In my life i have been exposed to only a select few beiliefs, none of whch have fulfilled my desire for understanding of life and truth. Christianity, what i was predominantly raised on, never stuck home. I fell into paganism for a time, and could still be called such as i do not hold faith in the christian god. I belive, for the sake of those around me, that there is a god of sorts, but i can't believ that one religion is the true and correct way. it is impossible for there to only be one true religion that will deliver salvation. There are millions of religions in the world, how can only some people get the right book? this is just an idea i have been mulling over for some time. honestly, i don't know, i've looked into these thgoughts, and researched, but i just can't find anything that has clarified my ideas. well, it's food for thought anyway...

Greetings Great and Powerful Friends!!!!

Well, lets see, life is still strange, and very confusing... but it doesn't matter. I'll get over it. eventually. But in the meantime, ballet class is actually going really well! Maxine, who's my teacher, said that i should consider taking real classes... cause the one we're in now is more for just fitness and fun. But yeh, anyway.... what else???? umm, maths tests suck, as does being at the bottom of advanced maths :( but anyway. my dress for formal is almost done. just, lace, zip and hem to go i think :P YAY! meh so thats me...

Hmm, longer days, shorter nights... sounds like a good reason to party!!! :P

Well, the days are getting longer, and its only a month or so until formal! i am actually getting excited :) i mean my dress is coming together, and i think it'll actually get done in time for formal! BIG EVENT! :P better than going in rags and gaffa tape :P

who likes mangos!!!!

well i haven't blogged lately as, quite frankly, there hasn't been much to blog about! *sigh* such an interesting life isn't it! oh well, you get over it!
Man my father can be the most frustrating person to deal with! its can get so annoying! asnd then on top of it all, u find that theres a science test period 2, and u completely forgot about it! Not that its was the test that freaked me, just the fact that i forgot, and i really didn't want to have to concentrate all that hard! *sigh* oh well :( its all good i guess.
and hands up who likes mangos!?!?
mwahahahahaha! u r all fools! *evil hampster possessed by corrupted emus laugh*

Creative Writing

*sigh* well i feel i have achieved alot this weekend. Not any school work. But I got a fair amount of work done on my new story :) and Nathan read one of my others, and he thought it was really good :) so i'm happy. And i am now looking for a creative writing course during the holidays, or anything like that. even a program for next year would be good. But yeh.... anyway, enough of that, i don't really see myself becoming a writer, but i can hope. well must dash, words await!

Is the any possibility in the world!!!!!

*sigh* is it ever going to be possible for me to have a normal friendship with a guy who has a girlfriend! (not mentioning any names) But seriously! Sure there have been screw ups, and things happened that shouldn't have. But for crying out loud! cann't people let it go, and just deal with it! i mean all involed agree that it was stupid thing to let happen, and it shouldn't have, but one person deciedes to make moving on dificult! *sigh* well i've moved on, and i would dearly like to keep this friendship, but that is obviously going to be inpossible....

By the way, if you don't understand this blog, don't worry, it just means that you didn't need to know, and therefore have not been told. Sorry, but the less people who know, the less people to get agitated and the less people to worry about.

Fairy Lights??????

well we now have fairy lights across our balcony doors........ very random. greg decide to put them up. he was like even more excited about them than mum or me!
Very strange!

Well today it is exceptionally hot i must say! supposedly hit the record for october at 38 degrees, so i reckon we're all going to die from heat exhaustion soon! either that or in my case aspyxiation, just from having uncontrollable coughing fits! not really that nice, but oh well you get over it! its days like these when i wish i had a pool, or a knew someone near me who did! oh well, i'll go back to roasting, i have to make sure i don't get too over-done! :P

I'd like to be an angel

. . . . to have the wings to fly, and the image to inspire, the gift to love, and the grace to fail without shame. That would be nice. To love unconditionaly, and to see life in everything. and to be able to understand god, and to feel that absolute devotion. i dont know, just to be able to give and to love so openly. but then i don't think that i could handle the responsibility....

Back To Reality!!!!

i have definatly not missed reality these holidays! it has been so good to have a break! *sighs* but now its back in the saddle for another term! and the last term of year 10 to boot! Oh gosh, school cert is already haunting my every step. It plauges my mind for days everytime some one mentions it! the one frustration that continues from school to home, when all other issues change.
*sigh* oh well, other than that, BODY CORPORATES SUCK!!!!!!!!!!! i hate them at the moment!! they are just making life so difficult!!! :'( its just a small white fluffy dog! jeeze! like its ever caused a problem! its only words on a piece of paper, and they choose to make a big deal out of it! flaming heck! *brethes deeply* 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10 ok, well if anyone is interested in owning a nine year old Bichon Frise, please talk to me, and i'll tell mother.... *sizzle sizzle steam steam* oh well, i gues its the only realistic response, its either that or move, and i know mum is reluctant to do that, and if we did, it would be like a train and a bus to school, or home, or something, and yeh, even though it would only be for 7 terms, and its like yeh... oh well thoughts to be pondered another time. *sigh*
Have you noticed that alot of people seem to be sighing at the moment!?!?!?!?

Thanks for the last time we were together - Danish Greeting

Its been so hard to blog during the holidays, mainly getting to a computer with the internet was the hardest thing! but anyway. I was sitting at my dads factory the other day, and while i was using his desk to work on, i found a 'thankyou' book that was given to him by Meliesa. So i started to flick through the pages, and i found some very nice quotes, and so i'm going to share them here, they just reminded me about what a friendship is, and how valuable and irreplaceable it can be...

"Friendship is the hardest thing to explain. It's not something yhou learn in school, but if you haven't learnt the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learnt anything."
-Muhammad Ali

"On the path between the houses of friends, grass does not grow"
- Noweghian Proverb

"To your good health old friend, may you live to be a thousand years, and may i be there to count them."
- Robert Smith Sutees

"Oh the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a persn, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keeping what is worth keeping and with a breath of kindness throw the rest away."
- Dinah Maria Mullock Craik

"The greatest gift in life is friendship, and i have recieved it."
- Hubert Humphrey

not much is new....

well not much new today... just the same old same old really, but i did get Linkin Parks Reanimation cd on the weekend, so that was cool :) and i'm saving up for a pair of boots, so yeh its cool :) sucked in to those who decided to push themselves to hard and got a bad back cause of it!!!! :P nah jokes, mad backs suck. :(

Good Times

Well holidays have started, and i have three assignments to do! well two over the holidays, and one by week 3 :( well this is what happens when planning is put on the back burner! :( oh well looks like school work is going to be a priority these holidays... oh well my fault. like most things these days, i'm the one to blame :( anyway... i'll get over it. but the last term has been good from one point of view, i have been able to spend time with people who i haven't been able to for a long time, due to one reason or another. But its been great. Time to talk, and renew friendships, and just spend time together and enjoy the company. :) so the holidays will be a good time for rest and revival. with school work somewhere in there as well.

Science!!!!! 82%

YAY! we just got our resultsback for our Trial Science Exam! and i topped the year with82% so yeh i'm happy as you can tell! :P lol, but yes so that means i got band 5 in english, history, and science, and i got band 4 in geography and maths, so overall a pretty decent result, nad as long as i do better in the actual school cert mum will be happy too! but she'll be happ i topped the year, so i might still get those boots!!!! YAY! and goth says hi to everyone, even though he's at home on my pillow, but tom and cassy r pleased that he's not here!!!!! and tomorrow is the last day of term, and its slave day, and the auction is gonna be pretty funny i reckon! ash isn't gonna be there, but thats ok, at least she'd in sydney. UNLIKE SUM PPL!!!!! but thats cool, they're having fun doing a dollar challenge in italy or japan, whichever one they reside in currently!!!! lol, but i'm going to leave this here, and i'll blog again later i'm sure! OH AND I HAVE MY LAST BALLET LESSON OF THE TERM TONIGHT!!!!! :P me doing ballet, that has got to be the wierdest thing in history!!!!! lol but its heaps fun, and ash mite be starting, so yeh thats cool :)
end trans <--- think of the movie 'Jumpin Jack Flash' withwhoopie goldberg!!!!

well isn't life grand!

well isn't this a great little mess i got myself into???? Some guy adds me to his msn list, supposedly named 'Chris' who's 17 and goes to Narrabeen Sports High. so we start talking and i admit we were flirting, he was obviously trying to tempt me, and i admit i said things i shouldn't have said, and everything. but now it turns out that it is my boyfrined, andre, and he is really not happy. for obvious reasons. He now feels he can't trust me around other guys, and that i lie to him all the time. OK! I admit i am not the perfect girlfriend! and that this was all my fault, but damn! i didn't want it to end like this!!!!! i was just messing about i didn't know! i wasn't being serious, and now he's gone, and there is no chance of getting him back ever again! and i'm not going to try to win him back, cause i know its not going to work. :( so thats the breeaking new, my relationship with Andre has ended for good, and all i can do now is look forwards. . . hopefully to something better, if thats possible

Those tribbles are getting everywhere!!!!! 

More on Tribble's

Well here is an update on tribbles, they are asexual creatures, which means they don't need a 'mate' to reproduce, and are born prenant, and the rate at which they reproduc depends on how much they eat! Gotta love those Tribbles! :P

Tribble's r Cool!!!

hmm, nothings new really apart from that friday is the last day of school for term 3 so thats cool :) and i am actually tempted to skip it, as ther would be little point in going, even though i probably will anyway!!! but hey its all good :) so yes just a short one for the moment, and yeh, i have a white fluffy Tribble called Goth, and Ash's one is called Midnight! they r so cute! and helping with a 12 yr olds birthday party was so fun on the weekend! lol, i love being a door bitch!!! lol :P mabad!

Happy Birthday! and grrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

Grr, i don't like history at all now! I got a letter of concern from ms. bligh for not doing my aboriginals assignment. My fault i know, and i accept full responsibilty. but i wish mum hadn't found out.... :( it was sent on the 30th of August, and said that "to fix this problem i propose that sheri finish and hand in her assessment by the 3rd of september" Like thats going to happen! its already the 16th of september! and a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to andre while i'm here! so yes, that was my day, how was everyone elses????

IT'S TOMORROW ASH!!!!!!!!

Ok, for those who really don't get my title, it translates to "Ash, its Andre's birthday tomorrow, and that means he's 16, and can get his 'L's!!!! that is bad news for all pedestrians!" so yes, thats that translated! but anyway.... what elses, Oh in volleyball the guys got whipped by Browny and Mace... He he he he 3 games to 0, sorry guys, but thats funny :P and yes besides all that i'm in trouble for not doing my english or elective geography work.... WHOOPS MABAD!!!!! :P but i got 38/50 for maths trial multiple choice, so thats good :)

the silent one!

Yes, well i'm not as silent as what i was, but my voice is still pretty pathetic! i lost it on wednesday nitght, and then all thru thursday and rock i was basically croaking, and then friday i could have made a great mime! and then the weekend i managed half a voice, and half a sqeak, then yesterday i was pretty ok! but i found out today that i still cannot scream at all! even when somebody comes up and buzzes me!
But its good at the moment, tom and i can talk and hang out and stuff and cassy doesn't go balistic at me anymore! so yeh its good, even though andre has a slight problem with me talking toi him again. He feels slightly "threatened" seeing as i don't have the best "track record" which is true i guess, but annoying too. :( oh well it'll be all good in the end, i hope!
E.L.M.O! yeh all you out there who don't understand, just get with it! Ok! (ash i think they're laughing at us again) :P

WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh My Gosh! WE DID IT! Davidson WON the Open Rock Eistedfford Grand Finals! I didn't think we were going to make it for a while, but we did! and we tied for first! It was so AMAZING! Oh Gosh! we got 5 awards, including stage crew! go the guys! and choerography and stage use:D and soundtrack :D but the day was excellent, even if i was sick! and then getting tied up and locked in the back of a truck three times by pete, luke, tom, and james! THANKS GUYS!!! oh well it was a great day, with an emotional ending!!!! :D

HEY LOOK THUNDERSTORMS!!! what they're cool!

WoW wasn't sunday arvo amazing!!!!! like seriously! The hail came so fast! but it looked so much like snow! i made snow bears! YAY. so it was a great Faters Day! but yeh, and it was good cause i got to spend the whole day with dad, and we went out to Binna's and saw my nephews mitchell and nicholas! they are so cute! only because they're my nephews though! :P but yeh. And today at school we had our trial scool certificate start, which actually turned out a lot better than i thought it would! We had english and maths today, and they were pretty good :) like i actually thought i did ok in both of them :) and tomorrow is history/geogrphy and science. I'm dreading history most at the moment. i seriously don't know any of what i'm supposed to know!!!! grr, i should go study, so ta ta. end trans!

Closest Thing To Crazy

I love this song and i finally found the lyrics to it, so i though i'd post them :)

Closest Thing To Crazy
- Katie Melua

How can I think I'm standing strong,
Yet feel the air beneath my feet?
How can happiness feel so wrong?
How can misery feel so sweet?
How can you let me watch you sleep,
Then break my dreams the way you do?
How can I have got in so deep?
Why did I fall in love with you?

CHORUS:
This is the closest thing to crazy I have ever been
Feeling twenty-two, acting seventeen,
This is the nearest thing to crazy I have ever known,
I was never crazy on my own.
And now I know that there's a link between the two,
Being close to craziness and being close to you.

How can you make me fall apart
Then break my fall with loving lies?
It's so easy to break a heart;
It's so easy to close your eyes.
How can you treat me like a child
Yet like a child I yearn for you?
How can anyone feel so wild?
How can anyone feel so blue?

CHORUS
This is the closest thing to crazy I have ever been
Feeling twenty-two, acting seventeen,
This is the nearest thing to crazy I have ever known,
I was never crazy on my own.
And now I know that there's a link between the two,
Being close to craziness and being close to you.

...and being close to you, and being close to you.

A Storms brewing by the looks :)

Well, today was ok, i was so tired though fo most of it :( like for the past five nights about, i haven't been able to sleep through, like i've woken up at least once each night. :( *sigh* oh well its ok i guess. but it doens' help that i have to sleep most nights with the radio on, not because i want to, but cause its better than putting up with the noise mum and greg make >:-(grrr, i hate it when he comes over, its so bloody annoying! oh well, we got to gamble in maths today which was fun :) the only thing i like about probability is that it teaches you how to gamble :P
i really need to do my science assignment :( i don't have to do much, just the experiment and the results, but i so cant be bothered! :( and i got so busted today by ms bligh! i hadn't done any of the assignment, and she came after me today, i didn't mean to, but after i just started crying, and yeh, :( but hugs helped :) thanks steph :)

another heartache...

Grr, i hate it when that happens, and i can't fix it this time! sorryt just deleted a whole post and now i can't undo it!

Well, lets try again... (abreviated version)
I Love Origami! it is so cool! its kind of relaxing as well! i made this really cool brocade ball today, it took 6 pieces of paper, and it looks so cool! :) i love it :)

And what else happened, well not much. for the first time in ages, andre hasn't come round for the weekend. which is a new experience, but it was good in a way, cause i could get a fair bit of my homework done.

Umm, last night mum and i went to a dinner at the RACA with my grandparents, cousin, and his wife. It was better than i thought it would be, but it still wasn't wonderful. At least mum has given up on trying to make me do maths for yrs 11 and 12. She spoke to dad about it, and to Paul, (cousin) and Shibaughn (wife, i don't know how to spell her name, but its not like that!) and has come to the realisation that i have, that i really won't need it that much! Yay, so that was a good thing. But i had the worst headache before we left home... Mum was trying to make me hurry up and get ready, but i just wanted to scream at her, and tell her that i didn't want to go, but i guess, in the end it turned out ok, besides the fact that i have been extremely tired this weekend. i don't know why..

Other heartache though, :( dads been having problems giving up the drink. Like he'll be ok for a while but then something will happen, or something will trigger something in his head, and he'll fall back again. :( it hurts so much, and he knows it hurts us, but one thing that hurts more, is mums attitude towards the problem sometimes! Liek she'll say something and i know she doesn't mean it to sound as bad as it does, but it really hurts sometimes. Its bad enough that i feel like i'm losing my dad, but its even harder when mum says thing about him, and all that :( and when she raves on about greg, and how wonderful he is and all that! its just so annoying. She doesn't see that the reason she likes him so much is because hes so much like dad! it so annoying! like i hate him, just because of the things about him, that r like dad, and that aren't like dad. i mean i hate greg's sense of humor, and i bhate the way he always stirs, and tries to make you bite and all that! because most of the time when he does i to me, its insulting, or offensinve, or just annoying! i hate it! and i hate the fact that now that mums going out with greg, i hear less and less about dad, cause mums constantly talking about greg! it hurts so much! i mean i sometimes feel like i'm losing my dad, it so hard, cause i mean if i ever did lose him, i know i wouldn't be able to cope! cause i mean after we lost Melisa, it still hurts! i think about her almost everyday! its so hard, i loved her so much! she meant so much to me, and now if i were to lose dad, it would be like losing ecerything good in the world! i just wish i could do more to help him. but i don't know what i can do, besides be there for him as a daughter. i just wish he would stop hurting like i am. I know he hurts, cause thats why he drinks, i know, he's told me, but i don't know what else i can do to help... like i'd like to spend more time with him, but its so hard with school work, and mum and eveything *sigh* oh well *tear* i'll just keep going i guess, hoping that maybe, one day, things will work out.

God i miss you dad :'(

Indecisiveness! - is that how its spelt???

Well i really don't know what i want to do! It is the most frustrating thing at the moment. I mean i love andre more than anything else, and i don't want to lose or hurt him. but i honestly don't know what i want to do. or what i even want! i mean, there is so much i want to see and do before i settle down, and being woth andre, is basically the equivilant of marriage, and i really dont know if i want toi stay where i know i'll be secure, and safe, or if i want to venture out to other things. i mean i know it sounds shallow, but i want to be with other people during my life, before i find a life partner. i mean, i have options, i know that, but i dont know whether i want to try them or wateva, and yeh i just really don't know! cause i know its impossible but i want someone who i can leave on the sideline, and then try all this, then run back to them when it doesnt work. impossible i know, and i must sound like the most shallow person at the moment! and i honestly don't mean it to sound as shallow as it does...but i can't helpp it, i love attention, and i guess i like being a flirt as well, but hell whats wrong with that?????

Well i've decide on one thing! I'm definatly going to have black roses at my wedding! I Love Them! They are so beautiful! Seriously! 

Shed a tear for me, I'll cry the night away, here in endless misery, I'll find my hope one day 

A Long Overdue Tribute...

Dedicated to a dear friend lost to the world of addiction. She was never given a proper chance in life, but she always did the best she could. Many people didn't like her, or approve of what she did, but that didn't make her any less of a human being. She didn't deserve to die the way she did, even if it was of her own making. She was a wonderful person, a dedicated mother, and always there if someone needed her. True she had her flaws, and I see now that she was less than perfect, but I still loved her.

For Mellisa

Deep in the recesses of my mind,

Lost in that sea of black eternity,

A dark twisted secret that I find,

Revealed the flaws in that entity.

Being lost in a sea of lonliness,

I am drenched in the sorrow and tears,

Clinging numbly to that which is hopeless,

Wishing she was there to banish my fears.

The life from her face, fading fast,

Having passed on to a watery grave,

Staring blankly at the wall i try to grasp,

At her memory, refusing to succumb to the wave.

In this endless misery I wonder how

Will i survive without such a friend now?

-_-*

Anger consumes my being, i hold on to the last,

Pushing it away, i begin to tear myself apart,

I wonder how it came to be this myriad of pain,

Feeling lost in all my emotion, i welcome the rain.

And something i forgot!!!!! (and its not dust!)

Well yes just a detail about canberra i forgot to mention as ashleigh so kindly reminded me.
in the evening as we were socialising, all three of us (nikki, ash and myself) left our room thinking that one of the others had the key. then finding ourselves locked out, we had to run to find richard, the dude who had all the spares, and get an extra key to get in with.. thankfully we caught him before he left for the pub, and scored an extra key for the night! quite handy really! :P so yes, that was that! It definatly beats loosing the door completly as what happened on the yr 7 mentor camp! :Pyes, haveing a mattress as a temporary door was quite amusing. as was pushing people through it! then getting a bruise the size and shape of tasmania while trying to stop someone from ransacking the room!! thank you graeme!!!!!

CANBERRA!!!! we're back......

Well, thursday and friday proved to be highly fascinating times. As many people know, 40 students from Davidson High went to Canberra for a science excursion during the Australian Science Festival. Thanks to Terry Clarke, of Clarke Coaches, and also to Ms Ferguson and Mr Kimura, the trip was highly enjoyable, productive and chaotic! However, i must not forget to thank Ashleigh, david, and Luke, who helped to convince Ms Ferguson that is was worthwhile going on the trip agian, even though it should have been skipped this year! So a big THANKYOU! to those very special people!
Now where to start? Well as i am going to recout the whole trip, i may as well start from the beginning! First thing that happened was waking up to see complete darkness in Chatswood. Wel that was just scary! not even the flourescent Westfield light shined in through my window! very sad. But i woke up all the same, showered, dressed, ate, then walked! Driving to school proved my point that morning radio is sucky, and that midnight radio is always the best! ANyway, arriving at school at 5:30, and seeing all the gang who, like me, were still rubbing the sleep from their eyes! Well it didn't tkae long for everyone to arrive and get on the bus. Well that was it. Hyperactivity and noise all the way! it was so much fun!
Watching the sun rise over the mountains after we left sydney had to have been one of the most beautiful things! It was such a relief to get out of home for a while! Any way back to the trip. After reaching Canberra, our first stop was the ANU (Australian National University) where we were split into two groups, one who would take a coures in Photonics, and one whou would participate in an Earth and Marine Science course. I was in E + M Science, with ash, kirst, kell, bec, and 15 other people. We spent a fascintaing hour or so with Nick and Sarah learning about volcanoues, deep sea vents, and what most of us found very humorous, dead bugs! not that there were actually bugs, they proved to me microscopic organisms that live in the deep sea. these organisms, made of Calcium Carbonate, and Silicon. Pictures of thes little citters were fascinating! and i'm so glad that they're microscopic, any bigger, and they'd be freaky!
After completing our mini-degrees, we were issued with our bags of goodies, lunch was served in the uni grounds. The Photonics group soon joined us, and a few of the guys were still wearing their, 'oh so cool' rainbow specs! aka, paper glasses which refacted light into a spectrum of colours. After luch, we had a short break while waiting for Terry to pick us up.
Back on the bus it was a short drive to Earth Science Education Centre. Here Gale and Lehanne showed us many more geological wonders, after Jackie sighed their ingenious logbook. A large cylinder or water, where each group who visited the centre, was represented by a layer of sand, soil or gravel. In two groups, we all alternately perused the lobby on a treasure hunt for minerals, rocks, and other fascinating tresures. Then we explored different experiments in the centre. Combining again, we bid farwell to the earth sceince education centre, and made our way to the AIS (Australian Institute of Sport)
Arriving early, we watched the olympics on the big screen while waiting for our tour to begin. hen our guide arrived, and escorted us to the activities room. Here we stayed for 45 minutes while testing our mettle on the rowing machines, or in the golf cage, or seeing how different a basketball hoop looks from a wheel chair. Anika and i had a great time, challenging Danny and Rory to a boys vs girls shoot out in the basketball cage, GIRLS WIN! 10-7! Thankyou Thankyou! helped a bit that ani and i had both done basketball at some stage, sorry rory, but your just a bit to short! Anyway moving on! Our tour of the AIS took us through the Gymnasium, where jess and i spent time drooling over the guys doing the pommel horse! Then continuing on to the volleyballers, ashleigh and i enjoyed picking our favourites! And learning that the tallest person on the team was about 6"5' was a jaw-dropping treat! Following this, we proceeded to the swimming. Again, ashleigh and i agreed that guys in speedos is not a terribly exciting sight! and none of them seemed to be able to get out of the pool and walk 15 metres without 'fixing' themselves! *sigh* buty they were cute from the waist up! we avoided looking any lower! Then after the swimmers came the basketballers! mm, very tall! and not as cute, but i wouldn't be complaing!
Well after AIS, we headed for our motel, and dinner! It was great to have a hot meal! Chicken schnitzel, mash, zuccini and carrots, all with gray was one of the most appreciated meals of all time! however trying to make ashleigh eat all hers was a slight chore,but hey, its all good! After dinner, we made camp in our rooms, and changed into our civi's. Then it was onto the bus again, and a drive to the canberra convention centre to listen to four speakers, the editor of New Scientist in England, A femal astronaut who's been into space twice, a female deep sea diver and researcher, and a man who was an expert in physics i belive, and who had some very sceptical ideas on alien messages and the human genome. He felt that it were possible that aliens had left a message encrypted in the human genome, so that it would survive until a time where we could find it. A fascinating evening, many people found it boring, however i loved it, and subsequently copped a slight amount of crap because of it. Oh well, it was fun.
Returning to the motel, we all had a brilliant evening socialising! However without realising it, we made a very big mistake writing a letter to Anika. Ash had been having problems and outlining them in a letter seemed like a good idea. however when she read the letter the following morning, it had a less than deirable result. Anika stormed in to our room. Said "Why don't i just get out of your face Bitch" and then throwing the trorn up letter in ashleigh's face! Well it didn't allow for an axiety free day, but it was a good one nonetheless.
After breakfast, we made our way to the CSIRO Discovery centre. Here we were asked to think of ourselves as the board of a company thinking of supporting a research program. Only on program was able to be supported, and two were presented. one, involved the adressing of the cane toad problem in australia, the other, developement of 'functional food' listening to both side of the arguemnt, and also viewing a 3D movie, undr the guidance of Ed, Steve, and another CSIRO staff ,member. After this, a majority vote saw that the cane toad issue was a far more pressing problem to Australia.
After finishing here, we were directed to a theatrical presentation on the comparisons between nature and the defence forces use of camoflague. aimed at primary school students, it proved to allow a good rest point for many of our companions. But did prove a good experience, as we recieved a free cap or drink bottle.
Our next stop was the convention centre once more, to visit and Eplore the amazing world of science exhibits. A wonderful experience, was however eclipsed by being an audience to Conan The Bubble Man! A fascinating man, he talked about the science of bubble, and showed us some amazing things. Aswell as putting Ms Ferguson inside a bubble! He created a fire buble, a smoke bubble, big, thin, fat, long, and most curious of all, a cube bubble! He also created a bubble on a light table, which allowed us to see the way the light refracts differently through different areas of the bubble. He also adapted a piece of tecnology used to investigate air turbulance, into a bubble prestentation of epic proportions! rateher entertaining! Then Q&A time. in the words of Bronwen.... "Do you have a special blowing tecnique?" Absolutly hillarious for davo!
*sigh* well after COnan, we drove to questacon, and ate lunch on the front steps. Then our last visit began. The girls, Danny and i worked our way from the top to the bottom. The newest addition was a diplay on venomous creatures, the upermost gallery. then working our way through familiar galleries, we made our way to the bottom.
Then finally, we boarded the bus and began our journey home. Stopping at suttons forest for dinner, we were the 15th coach to pass through the macca's ther in and hour and a half! quite an interesting yet unnessercary fact!
Well arriving home, back at school at 8, i was surprised by my boyfriend who came to meet me!
well i'm going to leave it here, that was my trip to canberra, well the concise version anyway.
End Trans!

Just a point..

just a point to make, i was reading through my post caled "Boyfriend?" and i though that i might need to clarify that it wasn't my boyfriend i was reffering to, rather my mothers current boyfriend. Just thought i'd let you know.

The love potion you made tastes terrible, how will you drink it?

by closing my eyes tight,
by shutting the door and locking it,
by opening my mouth in silence,
and then dying of asphyxiation...


cause thats what false love does, and thats all that can be achieved by a man-made potion.

Love is a gift of something more than what man himself can create. It is something that must be felt with your entire being. not just your heart, or just your body, or just your mind. Only a love which can be felt by all of these can be called real love. And thats when you die, because you realise that you can't live without the other person, and without their love in return, your heart breaks and slowly bleeds, releasing the life from your body.

You feel as if the hurt and angst will never leave you. and so it is then that you give up your life, love, and being, and give in to the darkness. . .

Unless, of course, the person you love loves you in return. then you will be blessed with endless days of happines, and well being. however, all this is easily lost in an instant.

Love is a rose, it requires alot of work and protection, even in the barren months, the rose bush needs protection and care to ensure that the roses will come with the fetile days.

Whoooo! Busy Day!

Well wasn't today eventful! Gawd i luv miss suttling! she is so da bomb! she is the best fun in elective geography! *smiles happily*


The day began quite normally actually, beside the fact that andre stayed over last night, again! And that the rain proved to be quiite troublesome in that it couln't decide whether it wanted to stay or go, therefore it blessed us with a very fine misty rain all day! From this, and the overnight rain, many puddle formed around the school. It was in one of such puddles near the "roughly steped" route to the oval, that Mr Barnes stepped into when he wasn't watching where he was going. Finding this thouroughly ammusing, i proceeded to laugh as i mounted the rough log steps which proved the quickest route to our "hang out" spot. It was as i did this that i slipped and overbalanced, subsequently dropping all my stuff and falling flat on my back in a rather mulchy mess. Hence i became the butt of a joke which sent Mr Barnes along with all my other friends present at the time, into fits of laughter at my misfortune!


And in other breaking news, Sheri, for reasons yet unknown, found herself in the middle of a foreign group. a rescue attempt has be made to free sheri from the clutches of the male oval/cricket net base. She was feircly gaurded by a certain "monty" figure. However the ensueing battle was less than forgiving. We fear to report that sheri's jumper has been stretched beyond repair, and her ribs, and sides are still aching from the arduous experience. Also, her pants are seriously mud stained. However, as the battle raged back and forth, the tug of war took their toll on both the "monty" and the rescuing females. all involved suffered their share of dimples, and toothy grins. However, after the struggle and the tears, Sheri managed to extract herself from the clutches of the "monty", and also the female rescuers. She managed her own escape, and found safety in the company of two female bystanders. Seeming safe from hostility, the female rescuers returned to their base, and here sheri remained for a time. Then the uinthinkable happenes. Sheri extracted herself from the female group, and made her way once again into the male camp. Her point made that this was where she wanted to be at the time made, no rescue attempt was sought.


*sigh* I haven't had that much fun in a long time!


It was after this hectic lunch experience that i found yself in the grips of a furious prepartaion process for a history group presentationon the history after WW2 of aboriginals. David and myself were presenting the 6 government policies of the time. Unfortunatly neither of us had prepared any work on which we could present. So we then proceede to read off a question sheet which had been issued to us. Quite a funny experience really!


Well that was quite an eventful day now wasn't it! I told you so!


WE GO TO CANBERRA ON THURSDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!! GO THE SCIENCE GEEKS!!!!!!!!!

Well, another day, another headache...

*sigh* i really hate english at the moment! its soo annoying, like i seriously flunked the listening exam! i got 11 0out of 19, which is soooooooooooo shit! grrr, i hate ms jones!she can be such a cow! i mean how was i supposed to know that i had to list 8 techniques, instead of looking at the technique, and example, and then the effect! jeeze, they don't tell you shit in those tests! i mean really! there's go to be some lee-way in the marking that would allow for different types of responses! but hell, i don't care anymore! i think i'll just go and burn my test paper! *stomps of in a huff, scrunches up the test paper, lights it on fire then boots it over the balcony an watches as the burning meteor falls 8 storeys...* isn't it fun to be a pyro!

I miss him :'(

Man, you know whats really annoying!? I haven't seen andre for like a week, well, no, i saw him on wednesday, but that hardly counts. so excluding wednesday, i haven't seen him for over a week, and i really miss him! its so sad, and he was supposed to come over yesterday, except i called him, and he was at cronulla, and he couldn't get here. and so i'm desperatly hopng i'm going to be able to see him today! i hope! PLEASE!
But i'm really pleased with myself, cause i've gotten basically all of my schoolwork done! not including english of course. thats just never going to happen!
Oh but Nour called last night! it was so weird, and like he wants to come see me and go for a cruise so we can get to know each other and stuff. and he's going to call again next week. its weird, cause like we met him, adam and ahmed at the easter show, and like he still remembers me, and wants to see me, and its like almost 6 months later!
so yes thats me for today, i'm going to go message dad and find out how the trains are going.

*sigh* i hate subject selection!

Well lets see, not much new has happened. School is pretty much the same, not much new happening there. Apart from that i hope i can work out what i want to do for yr 11 subjects without too much drama. I seriously have no idea what i'm going to do when I have to drop like 4 subjects! i can see tears coming now!

Frustrationis a very annoying emotion.... wait, is it?

Heres a question.... is frustration an emotion? can it be catagorised as an emotion, or is it something else, and if so what??????????????????????????????????????
well, today was extremely boring! i've managed to lose my science book, and its really annoying. i'm currently supposed to be doing maths homework, before ballet, but yeh and i still have to burn a cd for nikki, but the tracks are taking their sweet time downloading! and yeh, its annoying. a lot of things r annoying at the moment..... i just want everything to happen now! its not fair! and i want it to be friday, so that andre and i r off our "break" and then we can be all good again! grr, i wish i could chuck a huge tantrum right now with screams and tears and everything, just from frustratuion! i mean i could, but its pretty pointless with no one around, cause then no one sees u, and how much ur hurting! its just the biggest frustration!

Boyfriend?

Grrrrrrrr! The more hes around and the more i see him, the more i hate him! its just sooo annoying! its just too soon, i don't know! its driving me up the wall! its so not fair. Why cant she just stop it being so full on. i mean its one thing to have a bf, but another to have them dropping in twenty four seven! i just hate it! i hate his humor! i hate the way all he does is talk! and he talks all through a tv/video or anything!!!!!!!!!! you can't concentrate when he's around! I hate it, it sends shivers up my spine, and its really annoying! man i wish i had a punching bag or some thing!

*sigh* hope so

Well, lets see things seem to have worked out. At least for the moment. Apart from the fact that i'm feeling a little cheated at the moment. i spoke to Mr no name, and thats never going to happen, so yes.
*sigh* now i just want to be with andre again *sigh* but i have to give it time i think.......

Grrrrrrr! Damn History Assignment!

just wanted to voice my frustartion at having to do my major history assignment work on flippping aboriginals! not that i have anything against them, i just hate haveing their causes shoved down my throat constantly! especially when there was a possibility of doing migrants or women instaead!!!!!!!!!!! :'(

Dress? Ready by Wednesday? Serial?????

Hmmm, i really need to get my dress done for the tas display. . . . *sigh* so much to do, so little time.

*sigh* (humming) "i just don't know what to do with myself....."

Well ice-skating was great, besides the fact that i fell flat on my back, and it is now caning pretty bad. Bradley was an ok kid, i mean i vs'd him at table tennis when we got back to gregs brothers place, and yeh. so i mean all round it was a pretty ok day. The unfortunate thing is that the more i get to know greg, the more i dislike him. really annoying. i mean he's a nice guy and all, but he has a bit of a warped sense of humor, and its really annoying, cause alot of the time i don't find what he says amusing, but i have to laugh or "smile nicely" to be polite. and it really ticks me off. i guess i just take things a bit too seriously, i mean i'm still dealing with my own issues, and its just a major freak out now that mums dived into this new relatuionship. and yeh its happened so fast!

Its really hard, cause now that i've put things with andre on hold for a week, i don't know what i'm meant to do. well i know that i've got to work myself out, and work out whats going on in my head. i mean i really wish this hadn't happened, but i guess i'm glad it did, cause it gives me a chance to work things out without any real pressure. BUt truth is, i really don't know what i want. i mean, i love andre, and i never want to lose him, but this other person in my head(no names here, :P), is just confusing me. like i honestly don't know how i feel, or how i want to feel about him. Like i used to think i was pretty good friends with him, and all that cause we'd email and talk about stuff, and it was great, but thats all stopped now, just cause he's gotten so busy lately, and yeh. i mean cause thats stopped, i guess i'm questioning whether we're still friends or not. I realised the other day also that he knows alot about me, and everything, but i know very little about him. which is sad in a way, cause he's one of those people that i really want to know. But he scares me. he scares me beyond belief. i'm not sure why or how, but he does. And i know that if ever were to be together it would never work out cause we're just such different people. and our backgrounds, and also our beliefs are just so different. it could never work out. and i really don't know what i am to him. i know at the moment i wouldn't be much just because he has a girlfriend, and he has so much else on his mind. i don't know, maybe if i just tell him how i feel, and then leave it at that, so that its out of my system, and then go back to andre. i don't know........

First of the beginning

Well honestly i have no idea where to start, but i will say that having to choose year 11 subjects has got to be one of the most annoying things on the planet! They reccomend doing 12 units or 6 subjects, and i go and choose 16 units, i have no idea what i'm going to do if i manage to get all of them! its so not fair though, cause i don't know what i'd do if i din't get all of them! :( sad moment.

*sigh, everything seems to be a bit of a sad moment right now. Dad was going really well withthe whole staying on the wagon thing until last night. No idea why, but he had a drink. and now i have no idea what to think. Cause Greg (mums bf) was saying that he'd be lucky if he made it, and i was just sitting at the table wishing that i could just stand up and yell at him for doubting my father. But then it turns out that he might be right. ANd that just kills me. And seeing my dad, and his mental, state, its scarily reminding me of myself when i have my "phases". Its just crazy! And scary, just the prospect that i might be like this for all my life, even into adulthood.

And now i might loose the most important person in my life (boyfriend) because i have harboured feelings, (again) for some one else. Its so frustrating! i mean really, i don't mean to for this to happen. But i hate being tied down. and i know that he's probably right when he says he won't have me in a week or so, and i wish that i may be able to proove him wrong. and currently i have every intention of doing so. Now we've put everything on hold for a week, so that i may be able to sort myself out, and work out what i want to do in relation with my heart. Honestly i don't know what i want to do. I've known andre for about 2 1/2 years now, and over that time our relationship has changed so much. I mean when we first met, we were basically best friends, and then we went out, and we would constantly break up and get back together, and all that, and then we lost contact for a while until early this year. now, we're going out again, and although i know i love him, and i woulkd hate to be without him, i'm really questioning how happy i actually am being with him.

Oh well i'm wrapping it up here as i need to go wrangle with my head as to how best tackle this now that i have the freedom to tell someone how i feel about them. And whether i really want to or not.